Since I Saw You Last - Michael Clifford

Chapter Eighty Two.

Only a couple of days left and I am free. As soon as I get out of here, I can finally say goodbye to depression, anxiety, paranoia, and everything that made me feel bad. I couldn't live like that anymore. It was unhealthy. Now that I am finally okay with myself and I don't have any feelings of guilt, I don't feel useless anymore and I am ready to go out there and chase my dreams. I have to be honest; being here for so long was not an easy task at all. It's not like you see the results immediately. You have to be patient just as much as you were when you were going through this on your own. This time I wasn't alone though; I had the doctors, and of course, my best friends.

Evan even rented a house here in Brighton so he could visit me daily and I will never thank him enough for this; he didn't leave me alone, not even for a second. Of course, Calum, Luke, Ashton, Caroline and Phoebe didn't leave me alone either but they were working. Phoebe trying for a future singing career, the boys had concerts and interviews —the usual- and Caroline... well Caroline came quite often until she got a job as a stylist. However, I am grateful for all of what they did.

—

My last day. This is when I can leave that part of myself that made me sadder day by day. This is when I can cheerfully walk in the streets without worrying about people's opinions about me; I won't give two shits about it.  This is when I can live normally... well not exactly normally. The crazy part of me hasn't faded you know. I am ready to go out there, follow my dreams, and do everything to make them true. I feel more determined than ever and I am ready to fight against every single obstacle; I know I can overcome it because I am strong enough.

I am packing my stuff again, this time, for a happy reason. I am going back home. I know many people wouldn't be happy because if they were me, they would have to face Michael, but who cares? He never cared, and neither will I. As much as it hurts I have to accept the fact he never loved me and move on, and hold on to the people that have always been there from the start, like Calum, who is going to fly with me back to Sydney. The others said they had some stuff to do back home and they were busy, so they won't see me as soon as I get back there. It's okay though; I can wait.

"Are you ready?" a smiling Calum asked as he walked in the room.

"Ready." I smiled back.

—

After an exhausting flight we arrive to Sydney, but we have to take a taxi to get back home because no one was able to give us a ride. During our car ride, Calum points out how much I have changed and that I look more calm and happy now. To be honest it's the truth, but it's also wonderful to be home. I missed this place so much I don't think I will leave again. This is where I grew up... along with Michael. I shake my head to push the thought of him in the back of my mind, as we arrived. We paid for the ride, got our suitcases and walked towards the door. Calum got his keys out from his pocket and unlocked the door. The moment I walked in, lights were turned on and my best friends and many other people were standing in the living room, screaming "Surprise!" to me. I bright grin formed on my lips and yelled "I'm back home!". I hugged all of them; Ashton, Luke, Caroline, Phoebe... and then there was Michael, smiling, expecting me to hug him as he held out his arms for me, but I pretended I didn't see him. Not even the best clinic would ever heal the wound Michael created.

"No hug for me?" He said, sticking his bottom lip out, clearly pretending to be sad. I turn around to face him for the first time after months.

"I actually shouldn't even be talking to you." I spat, in a sassy tone.

"Why is that, Alexandra?" he asked.

"And you even ask me, Gordon?" I said.

"Don't call me Gordon." He said angrily.

"Well don't call me Alexandra." I muttered. "Actually, you know what? Don't call me at all!" I said, raising my voice slightly.

"Why? What did I do?" he yelled.

"Oh shut up Michael." I laugh. "Stop playing the victim! You hurt me! You were the reason I went in the clinic, it was all because of you! My whole world came crashing down when you broke up with me!" I admitted, trying to hold tears back. "But now I don't need you anymore. We are over."

"You can't say we are over, Alex!" he yells. I want to slap him so hard so he remembers it for a lifetime. I will never forgive what he did that easily. I promised myself I shouldn't think about him when I get home but here I am, fighting with him, about what he did last year. I don't even recognize myself when I am near him. Where is that "I don't give two shits" attitude I made? I think it got lost along the way.

"You guys stop it!" Phoebe says, approaching us. "Michael go away, please." She asks in the sweetest tone possible, and Michael lets out a sigh and gives me a glance before getting lost in the crowd of people. Thankfully the music was loud enough so no one heard.

"Thank you Phoebe." I huff, running a hand through my hair.

"He is going to give you a hard time." She said. "He wants you back." She states and I let out a laugh.

"Sure he does." I say, as she handed me a beer. "I won't forgive him that easily." I say, drinking some of the beer.

"Really?" she asks furrowing her eyebrows and I nod. "Wow Alex, you're being a tough one." She laughs. "I like that. You changed." She said.

"Do you like my new self more?" I asked.

"As long as you remain crazy, I will always like you." She smiles as she hits her bottle gently against mine. "Cheers to the new Alex!" she yells, and I laugh.

It's good to be back home.