Since I Saw You Last - Michael Clifford

Chapter Fifty Six.

“Michael what the hell?” I yelled, as he shut the door behind him as soon as we got into the room. I really had no idea what his plans were; neither did I know what he was going to say. I feel so confused and also a bit scared. Michael could be capable of anything when he got mad. Why did he bring me up here? Okay maybe I went too far with the plan, also because I was too close to his band mate which infuriated him even more. Still, he has no reason to do this… okay, yes he does. I am an idiot. I shouldn’t have acted so naïve. Nervousness was building up inside me. What is he going to do now? I watched him as he put his hands in his hair and walked up and down in the room. He was mad and I could tell.

“Will you ever talk to me?” I asked, yelling again, trying to catch his attention. He stopped for a moment and stood in front of me.

“Why did you do this?” he asked, his voice cracking at the end. Ouch, that hurt.

“Did what?” I asked, looking away. I wanted to pretend I hadn’t done anything.

“This. You were trying to make me jealous, weren’t you? Why? Didn’t you say you have a sick boyfriend out there?” he asked, concerned; he was fucking right.

“I didn’t try to make you jealous…” I stated. Actually this wasn’t my first aim; I just got carried away by Calum’s plan, which then became my plan too.

“Sure.” He said, laughing ironically. I stood there looking at him as he put his face in his hands, and then rubbed his temples. He was stressed. Just like me. This situation was killing us both. This situation sucked up every sign of happiness. We try too hard to remain friends, but no matter what, the feelings are still there. Even if we change a billion lovers, we cannot find someone with whom we will fit together perfectly. We were too perfect for each other. But now how are we going to make things work when we both have already found someone else, even though it’s not the same being with them as when we were together? The fear of hurting them is high, and one wrong move can ruin everything. We both hold regret inside us and we don’t want this feeling to get any bigger, or else it will destroy us completely.

“Michael…” I said, trying to make him face me. He turned his gaze to me and stared into my eyes. Even if a couple of feet separated us, I could feel the butterflies back again when he looked at me.

“Yes?” he asked, softly.

“We can’t be friends.” I stated. His eyes lit up at my statement.

“I know, Alex.” He said, nodding.

“We can’t go on like this anymore, can we?” I asked, frowning.

“No…” he said. I felt the urge to respond immediately.

“We can’t go on like this and you know why? It’s because we are both lying to ourselves and to each other. We pretend everything is okay and we have found a partner that maybe they make us happy but not as we made each other when things were okay. We cannot go on with this situation, it’s killing me. It’s killing me because every time I see you with Grace my heart breaks in pieces. Do you even know how hard am I trying? Do you know how hard am I trying to resist and to push the thought that I want to be her right now, in the back of my mind?” I said, and let some tears stream down my face. He stared at me speechless.

“Do you know I feel the same when I see you with Evan? How am I supposed to feel when I know there is someone else by your side and he is able to touch you and kiss you the way I did?” he said, and his voice cracked somewhere in the middle.

“See? We try, we act like friends but this hasn’t brought us any good results; we can’t be friends, Michael. We can’t be friends because I love you. I love you, Michael Clifford and I swear I can’t resist anymore.” I said, and by the time I had finished the sentence, I couldn’t help but sob. I sat down on the bed and put my face in my hands. I felt him sit next to me and he put his arm around my shoulder. With his other hand, he removed my hands from my face and gently wiped off my tears. He tilted my chin so I could face him. He was smiling. For some reason, he was smiling.

“I love you too, Alex. I love you endlessly and no one can make me deny it.” He mumbled quietly. His words were like a melody of my favorite song; they made me happy. Then he started leaning in, slowly and tantalizingly. An uncontrollable desire coursed through my body, in anticipation of what was going to happen. He stopped for a moment, and stared in my eyes; his seemed to have taken an almost threatening intensity to them. He turned his gaze back to my lips, and before I could realize it, his pink lips crashed onto mine, giving me a breath-taking kiss. I kissed him back, as I couldn’t hold back anymore. I couldn’t hold my feelings, because they were too strong. And if I am here right now, if I am here kissing him, it’s because my love for him never faded, and I know it never will. We both break from the kiss, breathless and flustered. If it weren’t for the demands my lungs making for air, God knows how long this kiss would last. I hugged him tight and rested my head on his chest, as he caressed my back softly.

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I just wanted to do this for so long.”

“Same.” I admitted. I sighed for a moment. What were we going to do about Grace and Evan? How were we going to tell them? I started to panic as I didn’t want to hurt people anymore. I can’t break Evan’s heart. He loves me and if he knew that the reason I was leaving him was Michael, he would take it really badly.

“What are we going to do about this, Michael?” I asked, starting to get worried.

“What do you mean?” he asked, not understanding what I am referring to.

“Grace and Evan…” I stated. He looked at me and then frowned slightly.

“I know it may sound weird… but I really can’t do this to Grace. And I know it’s the same for you to Evan…” he stated. Thank goodness he understood.

“Yes… but that means we can’t be together.” I said, frowning and trying to hold tears back. I felt locked in a cage I couldn’t get out.

“Don’t say that…” he said, and a cheeky smirk appeared on his face. What was he thinking of?

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

“This can be our little secret.” He said, grinning at me. Oh God, his smile.

“Our little secret?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

“Why, don’t you like it?” He asked, sticking his bottom lip out.

“I love it.” I said, and giggled.

This was going to be our secret.

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three more guys :)

-V xx