Since I Saw You Last - Michael Clifford

Chapter Ninety Seven.

I stand there speechless as soon as he speaks these two words. Marry him? Ηe has a hell lot of courage to make this proposal unexpectedly. Is this some way to show me his "love"? I just told him I can't trust him again and he asks me this? He's definitely passed every limit, and certainly every expectation. But now the point is, what do I do? Of course I love Evan, beside the fact I feel betrayed. He's always been here for me and probably he wouldn't go through all of this if he didn't love me. Right? But then again how do I know he's honest? How can I fully trust him on this?

I don't feel able to make a decision right now. This is more serious than it seems. I can't just say yes and then regret it. The point is Michael is holding me back. The hope that I might have chances to be back with him still lies in me, and I am not going to risk it. What if Grace wakes up one day and decides to stop torturing us and wants to let us live happily? I know it sounds more like a miracle, but you never know what may happen. Maybe she will find another prey someday –at least I hope so.

"Alex? Did you hear me?" he says, waving a hand in front of me. I forgot to answer from the shock and all the thoughts that are running through my head. I simply nod and gulp from nervousness. How am I going to say I can't decide yet?

"Alex please answer me. Say something." He says biting his lip in nervousness. His face expression was unreadable and he seemed worried.

"Evan I-I... I can't make a decision right now." I finally say, sighing. He couldn't expect me to say yes immediately.

"Alex, don't worry. It's totally understandable. I know it's weird to ask you this out of the blue but I swear I want to live the rest of my life beside you. And I hope that when you decide, you say what I want to hear. I love you sweetie." He says, approaching me slowly. I stay put and wait to see his next move. His lips are inches apart from mine, and when I thought he would kiss me, he kissed my forehead instead and smiled. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as I watch him turn to leave my room. That will be weird for the boys if they see him, but that's in the bottom of the list with my problems. The fact I have to make such an important decision frightens me somehow.

I decide not to think about it now and head back to bed, but then I hear a knock on my bedroom door. Who is it now?

"Come in." I say sleepily. The door opens slowly and reveals, unexpectedly, Michael with a worried look. Probably Evan said something he shouldn't have, or maybe he thought we fought or something. I really don't know, but I need to understand why he is like that. I don't want him to worry or be sad because of me.

"When did you come back?" he asked, still standing at the door frame.

"A few hours ago." I simply said, sitting on my bed. I had the urge to cry for some reason, but I don't know why.

"I didn't notice." He said. That moment I need to be left alone. As much as I missed Michael, I needed to be on my own because I feel I will let these tears flow soon. I can't hold on much longer. "Is everything okay?" he asks after a few seconds of silence. I felt a tear fall down on my cheek, and I was afraid he would notice. "Alex, are you crying?" he says, and that means he saw me. I feel so ashamed.

"No, it's just... there's something in my eye." I say, but I know that's not one of my best excuses. In fact, it was the worse.

"That excuse is lame." He laughs as he closes the door behind him and approaches me. He stops laughing as soon as he sees my state. He shouldn't have seen me like this. Of course he's seen worse than this, but I have to prove myself strong. I am not supposed to be as weak as I used to be before. It sucks. He wraps his arms around me, and then I let my tears run freely. I can't hold them. "Don't cry sunshine."

That reminds me...

I let out a long sigh and put my face in my hands. 'I am not okay' I repeated to myself, and felt some tears escape my eyes. I couldn't hold it anymore.
Suddenly, I feel a pair of strong arms wrapped around me. I didn't care who it was, I just needed to cry and lift this weight from my chest, and so I grabbed this person's shirt and cried in his chest, as he pulled me closer to him.

"Don't cry sunshine." He whispered; it was Michael.

He's been here all along. Why can't I marry him? Why can't I be with him? Why life is torturing me so much that I can't even be with the love of my life? I love Evan, of course. But I can't ever love him as much as I love Michael. Ever.

"You need to rest." He says, as soon as I calm down. He stands up and heads to the door to leave, while I cover myself with the duvet. But I didn't want him to leave.

"Michael." I say and he stops. "Stay." I ask him. I was embarrassed but I can't help it. I need him.

I close my eyes as I hear his footsteps getting louder and louder and I know he's returning. I feel him near me, I feel him staring at me. He cups my cheek and caresses it gently. "I love you." I hear him say. I refuse to answer. He knows; but I can't say it freely anymore. I pretend to have fallen asleep, when suddenly I feel him touching my lips. He abruptly stops himself and walks out of the room. All of this happened so quickly I didn't even realize what he did. What just happened?

------

dear Alex always comes up with a question after every chapter ending.

I just noticed.

I am original af.

yo.

-Vxx