Since I Saw You Last - Michael Clifford

Chapter Ten.

A week passed after what happened. I became friends again with Ashton and everything was okay, although all of them said they would keep an eye on me because they don’t know what I’ll do after this. They were right to be worried, although they didn’t know anything about my self-harm issues. I had this sudden feeling of wanting to take a knife and stab it in my heart, but I couldn’t. They were always around me, and even when I had to sleep, I slept in Calum’s room because he had two beds. The thing is, I was always surrounded by people. One side of me was happy about it so I could suppress this feeling, but my other side was desperate.

So I decided, one night, I will end it all.

This was the night.

--

3:00 a.m. and everyone’s asleep.

It’s time.

I got up from my bed, careful not to make any noise that could wake them up. I headed quietly to the bathroom, and took a letter that I wrote for the guys and left it on the counter, near the sink. I searched for my razor.

Michael

There she was, falling on her knees and blood coming out of her wrists.

She did it. I can’t believe she did it and I couldn’t stop her. She cut her veins.

A nightmare woke me up at 2:53 a.m. I rubbed my eyes and I realized I was crying whilst sleeping. I got up and headed to the bathroom to wash my face. I let the water pour on my face. This situation was unbearable. I missed her to death, and I missed my best friends too. I have been so used to being around them that I feel so lost. What would they feel? What about Alex? If she’s depressed, she self-harms, or when it is really bad, she attempts suicide.

Self Harm. Suicide. Nightmare.

I suddenly felt the urge to go back home. Something told me I had to go.

So I did. I threw on some jeans and a T-shirt, took my car keys and went back home, hopeful to find everyone asleep.

Alex

After 5 minutes of search, I found my razor. I didn’t want this to end all at once, so I decided to do a few deep cuts. The pain was unbearable but it felt good. It washed my depression away because it was the only thing I was thinking.

Michael

As soon as I arrived I unlocked the door and ran upstairs silently.

Where did I find her self-harm the first time?

The bathroom, of course.

I headed there and opened the door to find Alex with a razor in her hand and blood coming out of her whole arm. It was all red.

No, no, no.

She looked at me.

“G-goodbye… Michael.” She said weakly before she fainted.

No, no, no.

I kneeled down and took her in my arms. I screamed her name out loud and cried.

I don’t wanna lose her.

Suddenly three sleepy guys pop up and their eyes widen when they see me with Alex in my arms, covered with blood.

“Luke please call an ambulance.” Calum said.

“Alex? ALEX. Oh my God.” Ashton said kneeling down and cupping her face.

“I’m going straight away.” Luke said and took out his phone.

“How did this happen?” Calum asked.

“I-I was just having a nightmare where she did this, and I woke up and came here because I had this feeling and I panicked… I should’ve come earlier.”

“You did your best…” he replied.

“Did his best? Mate, look what he’s done! She did it because of you!” Ashton shouted.

“I am not in the mood to fight right now so I’m not going to answer.” I simply said. Then Luke came back.

“Guys the ambulance is here.” He said, and we all brought her outside and in the ambulance, and we followed with my car behind.

--

Two hours passed. We could watch her only through a window and we still had no news.

Then the doctor came out.

“Uhm, hello. So, our patient, Miss Holt, is not in a grave state. She has currently fainted because of the great amount of blood she has lost, but she will be alright. Plus, you can go see her, one at a time.”

Oh Lord, thank you.

“Thank you Mr. Robinson.” Calum said and the doctor left.

--

They all went to see her, one at a time. I was the last one.

And now it was my turn. I gathered some courage and entered the hospital’s room.

I stared at her for a moment. My God, she was beautiful even when she’s sick.

I got closer to her and sat on the chair near the bed.

“Hello beautiful. How are you?” I said, as if I was expecting an answer.

“I know how you feel. You feel horrible. It is my fault if you thought of doing what you meant to and I am so sorry. I am an awful person okay? I am really sorry. But a simple sorry can’t fix everything. It’s broken. But Alex, I believe in us. I know I may sound an idiot after saying this, after all I did, but it was a mistake. I really thought you loved Ashton. Sometimes you’re too mysterious to be understood. You’re hiding so many things although we know each other for years now. I was completely sure that you gave up self harming but I was wrong. I ignored you. I haven’t been the best friend in the world because I hurt you and I didn’t even realize it. I was too drunk on the thought that you were coming closer with Ashton and I couldn’t bear it. My jealousy goes much further than a simple kind of jealousy. I lied to you. I actually realized I… I love you. I love you, with all my heart and soul, after all we’ve been through. I want to spend my days with you, I want to wake up in the morning next to you and plant kisses on your forehead, and even if I am lazy as fuck, I would even make breakfast for you. It’s a big sacrifice you know.” I paused for a moment and laughed. “So I am going to ask you one question.” I said, taking a deep breath. “Will you forgive me and become mine?”

I waited for answer. I took her hand.

“Please, say something, give me a sign. I have to know now.”

And then I felt someone squeeze my hand.

She’s alive. And she gave me a sign.

----------------------------

OKAY KILL ME NOW IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I LAST UPLOADED OKAY I'M SORRY.

I WILL UPLOAD TWO PARTS TODAY TO BE FORGIVEN. THIS IS THE FIRST ONE.

THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS READ THIS FANFICTION, IT ROSE UP TO 370 READS AND I'M SO HAPPY! SERIOUSLY NOW THANK YOU.

SO WAIT FOR ANOTHER PART LATER CAUSE IT'S COMING LOL

LOVE YAAAAAAAAAA <3

-V xx