•Night Angel•

CHAPTER LXV - NUMB

«Listen to the song at the top the whole chapter»

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1st February 2009. 10:02. Père Lachaise Cemetery, Paris, France.

Sophia's POV

Never did I think or imagined being in this place so soon. Everything was so foreign yet so familiar at the same time. I walked the same path just 2 years ago, arriving at this same spot.

The wind and the snow made it look all white and pure. I guess it's the right aspect for a place for souls to rest.

Last time I was here, I was walking behind my mother's coffin. My arm wrapped around my papa's arm, holding tightly onto it.

Now, I am walking behind my father's coffin, holding Tony's arm so tight I thought I was blocking his blood flow. He had his free hand wrapped around mine. This was like a progression. Behind us, more people followed.

Behind me stood Pierre, alongside aunt Peggy, who was supported by my uncle's arm. Pierre had an emotionless face, his eyes red, but his face didn't give away that he had cried just an hour earlier. Peggy, who came just three days ago to see her last best friend, was walking the uneven path that led to my parents' graves now. Behind them, Juliette and Laurie, hand in hand. Juliette letting out quiet sobs that made my heart shatter even more. Behind them, Happy, Pepper and Rhodey. Behind, Michael and René, and behind them more people. People I really didn't care about at the moment. I knew Nick was somewhere in the far back. I understood why he was not all the way at the front.

I was not crying. Not because I didn't want to. Oh, I wanted to. But I was dry. I had no tears left to cry. I had nothing else coming out of my eyes. Since I woke up, I felt the need to let it all out, but I couldn't.

One person came to me at the entrance of the graveyard asking me how I was doing. I didn't know how to answer. Even though I knew what I was feeling. How I was feeling.

Numb.

I was numb.

It is the most usual answer someone gives when something like this happens, but what other way is there to describe this?

I didn't even feel alive at the moment. It felt like my whole body just shut down. Each nerve of my body going off, leaving me without emotion, without any trace of any feeling lingering around.

It was like my world stopped spinning.

It was like standing at the edge of a cliff. One foot out, ready to jump and the other firm on the ground. It was the inbetween where you don't know if you are really here or everything is just a dream.

I certainly preferred it to be a dream. A nightmare. I wanted to wake up in my room, at my house and then walk outside to see my dad in his studio, smiling brightly at me. I knew it was stupid that I wanted that, because I knew this was real. Way too real.

To this point, I would gladly say that I had no idea how I was moving. How were my legs working. How I had managed to even stand and put one foot in front of the other. I was doing everything mechanically. My brain was helping me by just controlling my body for me.

If it hadn't been for Tony's firm grip on my arm, I would've fell to the floor long ago.

As we got closer to the grave, I could see another whole in the ground, just beside where my mum's grave was. My breath hitched in my throat, and my eyes started to feel watery, but no tears came down.

Tony felt me hesitate in my steps and gently pulled me closer to him, removing his arm from my grip and placing it over my shoulders.

We arrived at the grave and I let out a shuddering breath. I knew the drill of what was going to happen next. I knew what I was meant to do. Last time, papa had been the one to give the speech for mama. I had written something down and he read it, knowing I wasn't going to be able to.