lover boy

part one

while i lie on my back on the grassy field contemplating everything, a ball get thrown at me. directly hitting my forehead. i roll over hoping no one noticed. "ow jesus." i say under my breath.

a sweet british voice approaches behind me."i'm so, so sorry." it's nick nelson, star rugby player. i press my lips together and give a nice smile. his hazel eyes glare at me. "oh, okay." he awkwardly picks the ball back up and walks away.

that was so incredibly awkward. i watch the rugby players pass the ball around. harry greene tosses a ball toward a boy with a beanie on. harry says something smug like he usually does, and i'm planning on getting up anyway, might as well have some fun at lunch. i stand up and walk towards them. "could you not?!" i say, standing up for the boy with a beanie. harry and the group snicker like something's funny. "hello?" i say, picking up the ball. "do you need something?" harry says. nick's sitting with his head slightly turned down, looking at the grass or his feet. i forcefully pass him ball and i walk away. he coughs.

i leave and continue with my classes. i recently moved to higgs. i lived in florida my whole life up until now. everyone was been calling me 'american' since i've arrived 2 months ago.

my math class is probably the worst, british math is so much more difficult and the accents confuse me. some girl behind throws a piece of paper in my curly ginger hair. i turn around, pulling out the paper. i hold it up, asking why she did that. they all giggle and whisper. my face get hot but i don't want them to see that. the rest of class continues with my head on down on my desk in frustration.

the bell rings. i storm out. i shouldn't be so upset because of them. they're just annoying girls. maybe if i didn't put on such a tough face they wouldn't do that. well, that's not true they'd do it no matter what.

i leave school while there's herds of people laughing and talking. i don't want to socialize with anyone right now. i put my headphones on, a beabadoobee song plays. my head is down, i count my steps. one, two, three.  one, two, three. one, two, three. one, two, thr-. i bump into someone, i look up, it's nick. he is not someone i want to talk to right now. he's probably going to apologize profusely and move on. "oh, um i'm sorry." he says, wide-eyed. i chuckle under my breath. "it's fine, i'll see you tomorrow." i smile, clenching my jaw and walking away. i look behind me and he's still there, watching me watch him. i quickly turn around and put my hands in my pockets.

i get home and i slouch on my bed. my parents are out on vacation and i have no siblings, no pet either. i haven't made many friends and the ones i say i've made aren't the nicest, well to me at least. i've become more quiet as the days gone by. one of them texted me.

alexis: millie, why are you talking to nick nelson?
millie: uh we bumped into eachother? lol
alexis: no, you were flirting. i saw you two.
alexis: even if you did like him he's with tara jones so it would be worthless.

i sit there for a couple minutes, thinking how to explain that that's not at all what happened. but i didn't want to text her anymore.

millie: okay sry

i hate texting people. i hate calling people more, i never no what to say and how to make sure they don't think something's wrong, and callings just weird. i can't see their facial expressions and i don't know what they mean. it's always an out of body experience when i'm on the phone, i avoid it at all costs. 

opening up nick nelson's instagram is pretty underwhelming, no offense or anything it's exactly how i imagined it though. rugby photos, dog selfies, a couple photos with him at parties and hanging out with friends. i don't post on instagram. i probably should, it gives people a sense of who you are. i don't really know who i am yet. definitely not enough to have people judge you on it.

i decide that going to bed would be best. i'm exhausted anyway.