lover boy

part nineteen

she grips my hair while i'm punching her in the face. i fall on my knees while she's tumbling down. she's slapping me in the face. it's all in slow motion, really. the screams and cheering hurt my ears. i feel my fingers go numb and my stomach being pushed into by a strong man. he's now on top of me. are you kidding me?

the handcuffs that were once chained to my bed is now back on. straps cover my stomach, my thighs, and my ankles. i can't hear anything but at least my hair was up.

mrs linda comes into my room. "what were you thinking?" she asks me. i sigh knowing this isn't the first time i've been into a fight. "she punched me first." i quietly say, "i didn't know what to do because she had my hair and was pulling me  down and then i blacked out. im sorry." i breathlessly say. i have breathing mask to keep me breathing steadily. "oh." she pulls the chair she was sitting on away. "would you want more comfortable clothes and you're phone back?" WHAT?! "yes please i nod." she walks out the door and hands in a stack of clothes and my phone on top of it. "if you do anything bad, we'll take it back." she leaves. why would she give me my stuff back after i got into a fight? i turn on my phone and i text nick.

millie: hii
nick: is this millie?!

i send a picture of myself smiling.

nick: what?!
nick: WHAT?!
nick: MILLIE????
millie: i have a lot to tell you xxxx

i turn off my phone and i change my clothes. there's a relatively baggy shirt and sweatpants. they're soft inside.

i fall asleep knowing i get to see nick tomorrow. this is the first night in the two weeks i have been here that i've fallen asleep myself.

i wake up at 8:20 a.m, i was able to check my phone to see. i walk the corridors. people are staring at me and whispering like theyre so much  better than me. they're not. dwight is standing in the group therapy room on his phone.

"hey!!! nice clothes!" he smiles.

"thanks," i don't know how to react because i don't like him but i feel like i need to talk to him.

"i heard about last night.." he looks around to see if someone's there. "who won?" he sits down on his chair.

"oh, me! have you seen her face?!" i laugh. he laughs with me. the only marks i have is from the handcuffs and a bite mark on my upper arm. they must've looked at it when putting me in restraints. i hear the phone ring and dwight runs over to get it. he point to the visitation room and i jog outside.

"hey!" the guard i like waves at me. i wave back and give him a fist bump walking into the room. his name tag has 'todd' written on it.

i jog to nick and he has his arms out to hug me.

"nick!!" i put my head on his chest.

"you're in normal clothes?!" he laughs while we sit down. i nod and i put my hands on the table. he quickly grabs them and examines them. "what happened?" i didn't realize how much of a mark it left. there's dried blood all around my wrist and  it's deep.

"yeah... that's what i wanted to tell you.." i spend the rest of our hours telling him everything. the restraints, the fight, the multiple meltdowns, all of the pills, the lack of eating. everything.

"time!" the woman shouts.

"wow..." he says. i get up and give him a kiss on the cheek.

"i'll text you!" i leave the room. i feel bad for leaving him with that to think about, but it is what it is.

i really love nick.