lover boy

part thirty two

"and this is my boyfriend, nick." charlie kisses nick on the cheek. nicks face goes pale and mine goes bloodshot red. i guess i didn't tell them that nick was the love of my life that broke up with me at the party. nick walks up to tao and shakes his hand. "i'm tao." tao smiles. "nick." he turns to me and he's staring at me. "i'm nick." he smiles at me, not his normal smile, a more uncomfortable smile. "millie, nice to meet you." im completely in shock. absolute shock. my hands are shaking because charlie has been so happy and i'm not going to ruin and good relationship. me and nick turn away from each other and you could feel the tension.

"oh my god, i forgot to lock my door, ill be right back." i turn around to go to my building. my head is spinning. i knew i'd run into nick but i didn't think he'd be my best friends boyfriend. i get to the corridors and i pace them. i breathe. i hear footsteps but i ignore them. nick puts his hand on my shoulder. it basically sends electric spikes into my body.

"millie." he quietly says.

jesus christ. jesus christ. jesus christ. "hi."

he hugs me because i'm probably sobbing. i don't want charlie to see me hugging his boyfriend. "i missed you." he says under his breath.

"nick," i pause. "i can't do this nick, he's my best friend." my chest hurts so badly. i walk back to my room, tears streaming down my face. i grab my phone so they don't think i've left them, even though i have.

millie: someone took something, sorry ily xx

i lie on my back. im scared. im scared of what's going to happen. nick is the love of my life and probably my soulmate but i love charlie and tao and they're my first real friends. what do i do? i call nicks mom.

"hi!" i say, trying to not sound like i've been crying.

"hello dear, how's leeds treating you?" shes cooking something.

i pause for a few seconds. there's so much i could tell her. "have you talked to nick?"

"earlier, why what's wrong?" she asks me.

"have you heard of who he's with?" my voice shakes a bit.

"mmm.. you heard?" she sighs.

"mhm." i feel like i'm going to start bawling again. "don't tell nick i told you please."

"im not." shes stops. "do you know him, the charlie boy?" she doesn't know it's the same charlie?

"yeah.." i say, sitting up.

"he seems sweet.."

"you know that the charlie he's with is my best friend, right?"

she gasps. "what?!"

"yeah.. that's why i'm so upset."

"oh my days." i hear boiling in the background. "i'm so sorry, dear."

"please don't tell nick i called you." i say again.

"alright hun. i love you."

"love you too." i end the call. my hearts practically beating out of my chest. im hurt. emotionally hurt. i don't know how to deal with this. four years of dealing with this. i can't. i can't do it for that long.

i lie on my back, i think about the feeling i got when nick touched my shoulder. i think about charlie. i think about tao. i think about nicks mom. i think about me. i think about nick. i think about everything that happened today. it's hard to breathe. i open my phone to look at nicks instagram again. he has a photo of him, charlie, and tao all sitting in the courtyard. it's captioned 'my boys'. i rest my phone down on my chest. i miss everything about him so badly. i then spiral into thinking too much. charlies probably best friends with nellie. they probably will spend nights together every night. nicks mom will buy charlie gifts every year. nick probably talks to charlie how he talked to me. i'm going to be alone for every holiday. the next few hours are pretty depressing. i think about nick and charlie some more. i cry at the thought of being left by myself. im a depressing person, but i can't help my own thoughts. nicks favorite person is charlie.

wow, college is fantastic.