lover boy

part thirty seven

NICKS POV

"millie?!" charlie shouts. "millie, wake up!" he hear him run out of the door to get help. i jump out of the closet and see millie, she's lying on the floor, she's unconscious. "millie, millie, millie." i shake her. charlie comes back with a phone in his hands. he's calling 999. "hello? hi my friend.. she's- she's unconscious.." his voice is trembling. he hadn't noticed i came out of no where and to be fair i don't think he cares.

they rush her to the hospital, i wonder if this is what itd be like that one day. she's put on breathing tubes and they're sticking a bunch of needles in her arms and legs. she hates needles. charlies hands are over his mouth and he looks like he's going to cry.

they quickly take her for tests, trying to see why she randomly blacked out. everyone's running about. i grab my phone, i feel like i should tell my mum what's going on.

nick: something happened to millie, she's in the hospital right now x
mum: what?!
nick: ill call you later
nick: i love you

i put my phone back in my pocket. everything has calmed down a bit, charlie and i sit down. i'm watching her heart monitor like i did last time. my leg bobs up and down and i'm fidgeting with my hands. about forty minutes later one of the doctors come in to tell us what's wrong.

"who's the guardian of miss rogan?" he has a clipboard in his hand. me and charlie look at each other, we both stand up. the doctor takes us outside of the room. "hello, i'm doctor lee." he shakes our hands. "miss rogan has suffered a head trauma, she was having a seizure." my hand flies to my mouth. "her records say she's had eating troubles in the past, is this true?" doctor lee looks at the two of us and i nod. "the issue is stronger now so we're going to have you decide what to do about that. there's some great eating hospitals around here." i immediately shake my head, it was terrible for her there and i would never put her threw it again. he hands me a brochure, in big bold letters it says 'WHAT TO DO IF YOUR CHILD HAS ANOREXIA?' i never thought of her being anorexic but that is what she is. i open it up and it shows all of the medication and therapies she could be doing.

i listen to the heart monitor. i watch millie, she's just as peaceful as the last time. i wonder if it scared her, if she knew it was coming. i wonder what she went through, what's it like. i glance at charlie, hes looking at me. "are you alright?" i say. i forgot that millie told him everything. "yeah." he sighs. he grabs my hand, not in the way he normally does though. we sit there for a second just listening to her heart monitor.

a woman comes in with a feeding tube. "i don't think you want to see this.." she smiles. she begins to stick the end of the feeding tube in her nose and i immediately look away. "it's finished." she smiles again and leaves the room. a little tube filled with mushed up food is in her nose. there's a stand that's providing it. "i used to have that." charlie sighs, i forgot he went through this too. "did it hurt?" i say. "mmm.." he pauses, "it's very uncomfortable." we sit there in silence for a bit.

millie's heart monitor begin to slow down the pace, charlies sleeping beside me but i haven't slept. the heart monitor goes completely flat. "doctor?!" i shout, i look for a doctor. they put ekgs on her chest and then begin cpr. everyone's shouting and everything's moving too fast. they all push past me. i can't see what's going on. her heart rate speeds up and she awakens, it's not like the films where she slowly sits up and it's
magical. she began to cough hysterically and they gave her a breathing mask. she sounds like darth vader. her eyes frantically look around at the doctors surrounding her. tears fall from her eyes, she closes her eyes. i can tell she's trying to focus on her breathing because that's what she doesn't when she has panic attacks. charlies standing next to me, he's terrified. he leaves the room.

a bit later millie's calm enough to talk and talk the mask off. "are you alright?" doctor lee asks. she looks at me and laughs a little, "been better." the doctor begin to ask questions and just starting conversation with her. the doctor tells us he'll be back and me and millie sit there for a while.

"i thought you were better.." i break the silence.

"i am better." she looks down at her hands so i know she's lying. "it was just a day."

"millie.." i sigh.

"the medication, the therapy, it was all supposed to help." she doesn't make eye contact with me. "i don't want to be like this anymore."

i feel horrible that i can't help her. i wish i could take it from her and put it on me. she's miserable. i feel horrible.