lover boy

part thirty five

MILLIES POV

i stumble out of bed. i'm not in my room, i look around and i'm seeing pictures of nellie all over. nick. he's sleeping on the other bed. i grab my converse and i leave. i don't want charlie to come in and see me here. my stomach hurts.

"hey!" harry jumps in front of me.

"hi." i'm far too tired to deal with him.

"what happened to you?" his eyes go up and down.

"nothing.." i sigh. i want to go back to my room so badly.

"i guess you didn't make it to your your dorm last night.." he smirks.

"mmm." i nod and try to walk past him.

"wait, where were you?" hes still smiling.

"that's none of your business.." i unlock my dorm and i shut the door. i'm so exhausted i can't think straight. i don't know where my phone is. i get dressed into comfortable clothes and i search for my phone. i can't remember anything from last night and i don't know if i want to.

charlies walking around too. "hey!" he waves at me. i wave back and walk to him. "what are you doing?" hes smiling. "im looking for my phone, i can't find it anywhere." i say. "i think it's in my room, do you wanna come check?" he asks me. "sure!" we walk back to his room.

taos sleeping in his bed and nicks not there. it's kind of a relief he's not here right now. i open the fridge and my phones resting in it. "jesus." i laugh, "i found it!" i shout to charlie. "where was it?" hes walking around the room. "the fridge." i look through my phone to see if i posted anything last night, i didn't. i open messages and see if texted nick.

millie: o misd tou c
millie: ehers tou go
millie: i wisgyou didmy brwak up wifh me
millie: mickkk mm
millie: xan uoi pld amswer

it's basically gibberish. i was a wreck last night. i don't know why i texted him so much, i hope charlie didn't see the texts. "i gotta go.. i'm so tired." i say, hugging charlie. "love you." i leave. i don't know why but i feel empty. i don't know, maybe it's just my head but i don't want to be in college anymore. i don't want to leave my bed ever again. i get out of the lift and nicks standing at my door. he's holding the photo album and i can't breathe. i can't breathe whenever i'm near him. "hey.." he's a bit quiet. i unlock the door so i can have him come inside with me.

he sits down on my bed and puts his head in his hands. i'm a bit confused as to what he's doing in my room. he's shaking his head and it looks like he's crying. "are you okay?" i stand in front of him. he begins to shake his head, "no, no." i repeats. "what is it?" i sit down next to him. he turns into me and cries. we're hugging. "i feel like i'm going insane, millie. i don't know what to do. i love charlie but then there's you and i can't do this. i cant. i dont know what to do, i'm with charlie but i want you." he says this very quickly like he needs it out of his system then he looks at me. "i need you, millie." much like the day after he broke up with me, i feel like i'm in a movie, like music should be playing and we should be having a dramatic kiss but then reality sets in and this is actually a horrible moment. i'm absolutely in love with nick but charlies is my best friend and i don't know what to do.

nick was my best friend first, he has saved my life more times than i could count and i'm in love with him. i'm still in love with him.

nicks looking around my room while i try to think of something to do. i made a list.

what to do

•tell charlie flat out

•stop talking to nick

•stop talking to charlie

•stop talking to both and restart my life

•die

i read over this list probably over fifteen times. nick sighs every time he glances at the pantry or the fridge because it's empty. "okay so should-" i get cut off by a knocking on the door. "oh my god, oh my god." i whisper, trying to find somewhere for nick to hide. he runs to my closet and hides behind the clothes that are hanging up.

i open the door, it's tao and charlie. oh. my. god. they barge through me and sit down on my bed.

"what's up?" i say, trying to act normal.

"what are you doing?" tao says, looking around my room.

hiding nick in my closet. "i was studying.." i look at their faces, they don't look upset or anything. "why?"

"we want to go out." charlie lies down on his back.

"okay..." i say.

"maybe the boardwalk? i dunno.." charlie shrugs.

"yeah, that'd be fun." i pause. "let me get dressed,
ill meet you in the courtyard." they leave and i shut the door behind them. i wait a few seconds to make sure they're gone and i open the closet so nick can come out. he exhales and sits down on my bed. "literally what are we doing.." nicks lying down on my bed. i pick up my phone.

millie: i have to talk to you..