lover boy

part thirty eight

MILLIES POV

it's been a few weeks since the hospital. nick, charlie, or tao has had to stay with me every time it's meal time. i've been given medication again and i have therapy every wednesday. nicks been asking me questions about what i went through and i answer them all. charlie and nick seem to be fine, it's a little bit weird but im glad. taos worried and he's barely been talking.

"millie, it's breakfast." nick says, walking into my room. they've all been given keys to my room just in case of emergencies.

i sigh and roll over. nick has a plate of toast and tea in his hands. we haven't talked about 'us' at all, theres more important things but i want to know what we are. "thanks." i take little bites of the toast. charlie walks in a little while after, hes very happy recently but i think it's so that i'm not surrounded by sad things.

"how're you feeling?" charlie leans against the wall.

"i'm fine." i feel bad for not being happy around them. "i have therapy today, right."

nick and charlie both nod, i get up and find some clothes. i grab a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts. they leave for a few minutes so i can get dressed. i don't think they want to be with me all the time but they are, i told them to leave but they usually don't.

i leave for therapy, it's a big building filled with mentally ill people. the therapist are always smiling. "hi." i say to the receptionist. "hi millie, dr konner is in his office." she smiles at me. i walk to his office, it's really bland inside. i think they're going for the 'minimalist' look but it's really ugly.

"good morning, millie!" he sits back in his chair. he has a little stubble on his chin but he has no other facial hair. "hi." i say, sitting down in front of him. "how have you been?" he rubs his chin and then starts writing. "i've been fine." i shrug, i fine as i can be. "that's not very persuading, how do you really feel?" he stares at me. i try to give him a look of annoyance but i don't know if he got it. "im fine." i am being short with him. "okay.." he pauses to write something, "have you been eating?" everyone asks me that, of course i've been eating. "yeah." i say, he looks at me and sets his things on the desk in front of him. he rest his elbows on the desk so that he's leaning. "you seems off, have you been having bad thoughts?" hes whispering as if someone can hear our conversation. "i've been trying as best as i can." i say, it doesn't really answer his question. he starts writing, he's nodding like he's having a conversation in his head. "millie, im your therapist. i'm here for a reason." hes still looking at his clipboard that he's been writing on. i look at the floor, it's marble but there's a rug over some of it. "millie." he looks up. "hm?" i say. my eyes are a bit heavy, hes very boring. "millie?" his eyebrows furrow and he's looking at my face intensely. i fall back and my head hits the carpeted floor. it's a blur but i remember him lifting me onto the couch behind me and him calling someone.

my legs are resting on top of his and his finger is brushing against right above my knee. "yeah, rugbys going really well." nicks talking to dr konner. i rub one of my eyes, nick looks down at me. my heads down a bit. "hey." he gives me a light smile. dr konner rushes towards me and gets in my face. i back away because i don't want him near me and i lie there for a second. "my head hurts." i yawn. nick laughs a little, "i'm sure." i sit up but i leave my legs on top of nicks. i look around because my heads spinning. "can we leave.." i sigh. nick nods and helps me up. he has his hand holding mine as we walk through the empty corridors.

he opens the door for me as i enter his car. he looks at me for a second before turning the engine on and we start to move. "are you alright?" he says, pulling out of the parking spot.

"yeah.." i exhale, looking around the area. i turn my head towards him, "nick?"

"millie?" he keeps his eyes on the road.

"would would you say we are," i pause. "like if i were to get into an accident and they ask you what we are, what'd you say?"

he's quiet for a while, i don't know if he's trying to process what i asked him or he just has no answer. i turn my head away from him when he blankly says, "that we're together."