lover boy

part fifteen

it's been a month after my incident and i've been put into therapy, 'house for the unwell girls' i like to call it. it's really just a regular therapy. i've been going to school still. i'm happy now that i'm with nick, happier than i've ever been.

we alter from his house to my house together. we're at his house right now. there's a big spring trip for the rugby team that we're packing for. it's in manchester, it's one of the biggest matches they've had. we're riding in a big bus like the trip to glasgow. nick was aloud one person to come with him and he chose me. his mom was excited for us and reminded me to film it.

"do you have all of your things?" he asks me.

"yeah!" i grab my laptop and stuff it in my bag.

"clothes?" i nod my head. "electronics?" i nod. "chargers?" i nod. "my uniform?" i nod. "okay we're good!" he laughs.

we get on the bus to school. the bus isn't so bad when i'm with nick. harry's still making jokes from my accident. "glad you're alive!" he snickers with everyone else. "i'm not." i sigh jokingly, everyone laughs harder.

the bus drives up to the school and there's posters for the rugby team. everyone applauds while they get off the bus. nick always grabs my hand whenever i walk off the bus, i find it sweet.

the other bus arrives and the coach is checking.

"hey druggie!" alexis calls out to me. harry brought her as his extra.

"yes?" i respond.

"since when have you been into pills?!" everyone thinks it's funny. it's not.

i turn around.

"im talking to you?!" alexis says.

"great, i'm ignoring you!" i respond.

"it's rather rude to ignore people!" she shouts.

"dont alexis!" nick shouts. she slaps me in the face. i turn around and punch her. it's a cat fight that i never intended for. i feel my hair being pulled and i feel my fists pounding against her face. i roll over and straddle her while still hitting her in the face. i blackout. i don't want to be punching her but i am. she still has grip on my hair. i feel hands over my waist while im punching her in her stomach. someone pulls me off her and another person pulls her away from me. nicks behind me, now walking me into the nurses office. he's shaking his head. not at me though, just in general.

i sit down on the bed and i hear shouting in the room next to us. "she hit me in my eye!" muffled alexis shouts. nick leaves the room to go talk to someone and i feel blood trickling off my lip and onto my chin. my knuckles are throbbing in pain, my thumb especially.

"can she still come on my trip?" i hear nick talking behind the door. i don't hear a response. the mirror beside me shines a light because of the sun hitting it. i lean over to see myself in it. my lip has a little gash and my eyes red. i don't think it'll bruise though. my knuckles are the worst. it's more bruised than it was when- nevermind. it was so purple it was almost black. nick comes into the door. he looks concerned but not like how he did in the hospital. the hospital was much worse.

"good news, you can still come!" he smiles, examining my hand. "god, that looks broken. does it hurt?"

"no i feel great!" i sarcastically say. he laughs, then he gently wiped the blood off of my face.

"you definitely won that."

"really?"

"yeah, she started it and still got whooped!" he laughs hard. i love when he laughs.

he takes me back outside and people cheer when i'm close enough for people to see. i get on the bus. it's a two day trip so no one brought too much stuff.

he gets in our seat first. he rests his hand on my leg. i get butterflies every time he does that. harry is beside us, alexis hasn't came in yet. nick begins to rub my bruised hand. i wince in pain. "jesus, millie." he exhales. "it's fine." i strongly say. "it's broken." he looks at me smiling. "noooo." i reply. he pulls me in and puts his head on top of mine.

alexis walks back in and it's quiet. there's whispers here and there. nick stares at her and harry. harry decided to sit next to us after the fight broke out.

"i wish i could fight him." nick sighs, putting his hand behind his head.

"why?" i look at him.

he looks down at me. "look at him, im convinced he's evil."

to be honest i wouldnt doubt it if he was. "yeah..." i exhale.

nicks looking on his phone, he's on someone's instagram when he gets a text. it's from someone named jackson.

jackson: hey how's millie?
jackson: ik since he o.ded it's been difficult.

why does everyone think i o.ded? i didnt.

nick: she didn't.
nick: do i know you?
jackson: yeah, i go to school with you.
jackson: anyway, i just find it funny that you're still with her
nick: what?
jackson: i mean, after everything she put you through..
jackson: i wouldn't want to be with her but yk.

nick blocks him and turns off his phone. "im gonna take a nap, im tired." nick rolls over. i lie down on my back, staring at the ceiling.

he's right. i put nick through so much he shouldn't still be with me. im a horrible person aren't i? i put him through so much that it's causing nick to have problems.

i think about the night i went to the hospital and how i told him how i thought about it. he already knows what an awful person i am. he knows.