lover boy

part thirteen

tick, tick, tick. the clock i have in my room ticks. i've been lying in my bed for three hours. tick, tick, tick. i don't have any motivation to get up. i haven't eaten in two days. i havent showered in three. i have a sip of water left and i don't feel the need to drink it.

nick: how're you holding up?

i don't know.

millie: fine! you ?
nick: good we're eating lunch right now!
nick: what have you eaten today?

absolutely nothing. same as yesterday.

millie: i've had a bagel, cereal, and fruit
nick: good!! i'm glad
nick: call you later?
millie: sure!! xxx
nick :)

i put my phone down by my side. tick, tick, tick. my bladder feels like it's going to implode. but if i walk those six steps to my bathroom, i'm scared it will actually implode. my stomach makes noises that's louder than the ticking. i don't know what else to do other than to lie here.

nicks pov

we have been in paris for two days. millie has been by herself for two days. i've been texting her every hour. just checkups, asking if she's eaten and if she's been sleeping. she says she has been. i hope she is.

"nick, honey, it's time to go!" my mom yells through the walls.

"okay, i'm coming!" i shout back. we're going on a tour that's going to take us to the eiffel tower today. i've been sending pictures to millie, she's been liking them. we've been calling each other as well. just facetiming so that she can be here with me. we have an hour time difference which isn't that bad. anytime i see her she's lying on her back in her bed. that worries me. i hope she's not having any trouble by herself. we've been inseparable since i told her i liked her and now we're separated. i'm sure she's perfectly fine.

i leave my hotel room and meet my mom in the cab. she's the most excited i've ever seen her. she's very giddy. i'm kind of excited, i'd rather be with millie.

millie's pov

i haven't moved since i plopped down on my bed two days ago. i mean i've moved my arms to grab my phone to text and call nick. i don't want to move.

tick. tick. tick. the ticks have been further apart. it might be the sudden change of the ticking or the fact i haven't gotten up but my head is pounding. tick. tick. tick.

in my nightstand drawer i have an assortment of things. i have books, i have jewelry, i have makeup, i have hair tools, art stuff, and i have pain medication. i can't see what i'm grabbing but i can hear and feel the medicine clanking when i touch it. i grab it and i glance at it. i open the bottle and i take two pill capsules to put in my hand. i open my mouth and i swallow them. i've mastered not using liquid to swallow pills. it might be the thing im best at.i rest the crook of my inner elbow over my eyes and i lie there.

tick. tick. tick. ti-

nicks pov

it's been two hours since i've texted her last. our past conversation is the most recent thing that's been on my phone and she hasn't texted me.

nick: hey millie!
nick: do you wanna call we're going to be at the eiffel tower soon!

i wait for it to say typing, it doesn't. nick, calm down. it's absolutely nothing. she's probably sleeping or drawing or eating. it's fine.

thirty minutes pass and i haven't gotten any response from her at all. i've been on my phone the entire time.

"cmon nick! look it's the eiffel tower!" my mom exclaims at me.

"it's so pretty!" i say with my phone up to my ear. i call millie. nothing. she always answers her phone. always. it's never this long. even if she is sleeping, she answers me.

six times. six times i've called her. nothing. i look through my contacts to find someone to check on her. harry. he hates her and she hates him but he's the closest and i need someone to be there now.

nick: hey harry, i need you to do me a favor!
harry: what is it?
nick: could you please check on millie?
nick: she's been by herself at her house for two days and she's not answering the phone.
harry: it's fine mate, she's probably sleeping.
nick: no. please go check on her and call me.
harry: fine.

i look at my mom who's smile is huge. "hey mom?" i say. "what is it?" she's still smiling. "can i go to the bathroom?" i lie. "are you sure?" she looks at me. "yes." i walk away to the nearest restaurant bathroom.

i sit on the closed toilet seat and i put my elbows on my knees, leaning over. i wait for a call or text from harry. ten minutes pass and i hear a ringing.

"hello?" i urgently say.

"i dunno what's wrong." he stops. "something's wrong."

"what?! what's wrong?"

"shes like lying on her back in a dark room and her skin is pale and she isn't moving when i shake her."

no.

"okay. call the ambulance. now."

"mate are you sure? she could get in trouble or her parents could or-"

i cut him off. "now. harry." i'm shaking. he hangs up the phone and i put my head in my hands. i should've been there. this wouldn't happen if i was there. i shouldn't have come here.

i get a call from harry. "i called them. they're on there way." he sounds shaken up and he's never shaken up.

"thanks." i abruptly say and i hang up. i don't know what to do. i'm reliant on knowing what to do and i don't. for the first time, i have no idea what to do. my legs and my hands are shaking and i look through my texts with her. i don't think she's do anything to herself but i'm not sure. i replay the phone calls and facetimes through my head. nothing. nothing tells me she was in any harm at all.

i get another call but it's from millie.

millie. "hello? millie?!" i shakenly say. i wait for an answer. "hello?" i repeat. "is this nicholas nelson?" it's not her voice. they sound serious. "yes?" i answer. "you're on her emergency call list. she's being taken to the hospital right now." hospital?! "what?!" i shout. "the hospital. she's being taken there. she's unresponsive." i find tears falling down my face. "can you or anyone else come here?" they says. "uhm.. no." i say. i try to be strong and stop crying but the more i think about it the more im crying. "please have someone be here." the person over the phone hangs up.

i look up flights to london, it's the closest to our town. an hour. it's only an hour flight. i text my mom.

nick: i need to leave. i'm buying myself a plane ticket back home. im sorry, i'll call you when i'm there.

i close my phone before i can see her answer. i book the ticket back home. 

millie's not okay. she's unresponsive. unresponsive. how did that even happen. she probably hurt herself because of me. i did it.