lover boy

part twenty six

NICKS POV

i don't remember a thing about last night. that's only happened one time before, the night millie left for the institution. that was a rough night. there's a bowl that's filled with vomit beside my bed and millie's hand is in my hair. i know she hated vomit so i feel a bit bad. i know she took care of me though. she's sleeping so peacefully i don't want to get up but i want to go brush my teeth. i slide out of bed and throw the vomit out.

i brush my teeth trying to think about what happened last night. the only thing i remember is the day time, i remember picking out my costume, i remember millie putting face paint on me and trying to make everything perfect, i remember bits of the party, like harry's costume, i remember millie's costume and i also remember her leaving to the bathroom, i know she hasn't been eating well recently. i don't want to put pressure on her or anything because i don't know if it'll make it worse, she's been doing well but over the past two weeks she's been not eating as much. i remember smoking and drinking a bit and then my memory is basically gone.

"nick?" millie's knocking on the bathroom door, "are you alright?"

"yeah! ill be out in a second!" i spit out the remaining toothpaste and i rinse my mouth. i open the door and she's leaning against the wall. i lean down and kiss her, i feel her smile on my lips.

"are you feeling okay?" she asks, she's looks uneasy about something.

"yeah, are you?" i say. she nods and walks past me to brush her teeth also. i'm leaning against the doorframe. "are you sure?"

"yes!" she says with her toothbrush in her mouth.

i go to make some coffee for myself and tea for her. "are you hungry?" i shout from the kitchen.

"no!" she shouts back. that's what she usually says. a few seconds later she walks out of the bathroom, flicking the light switch off. "what are you making?" she sits down on the sofa.

"eggs, i think." i say as she flips through tv channels.

"nice," she stops on the cartoon channel. we watch cartoons for a couple hours. "i have to take my pills.." she sighs, getting up. she hasn't had to go to therapy for a few weeks but she still needs to take her pills. "did i ruin your fun last night?" she says, swallowing them all at once. "no?" i take my eyes off of the tv. "i dunno," she sighs, "i was like the only sober one and i didnt want to seem boring." i look at her, she's fiddling with her fingers. "no, not at all! i had a nice time!" i don't bother to tell her that actually i can't remember a thing about last night, it might make her feel bad about it. "okay.." her lips are pushed together a bit.

i've never asked her to do anything at parties, i mean other than last night, i never did them with her. she didn't seem to do them when we first got together so i never bothered to do it.

"do you want to do something?" i ask her.

"mmm... if you're feeling like it, sure." she's a lot more quiet than normal, i know something's wrong.

"what's wrong?" i say, my eyebrows furrowing.

"nothing.." she's taking sips of her water.

"could you please tell me?"

"i'm fine, nick!" she raises her eyebrows a bit.

"so you're not going to tell me what's the matter?"

"i'm not... because there's nothing, i'm doing fine." she sets her water glass down. she's lying, i know theres something wrong and i'm worried that she's going to have to go back to the hospital.

"what did you last eat?" i say. she looks down. "i'm sorry.." i went too far.. i know i did because she got quiet and couldn't look at me.

she goes into the room to do something on her laptop and i sit there thinking about what i did and how i can fix it. i make the decision of going to go lie in bed with her and we can just talk. we do that very easily.

MILLIES POV

"what did you last eat?"

he knows. i can't look at him in the face because i hate that he knows. i walk to his room so i can breathe for a second. it's been around ten minutes until nick comes back so we can talk.

"do you want to tell me what's going on?" he asks me, sitting down beside me.

"yeah.." i exhale. "so i've been having issues with my eating for like two weeks," he nods. i still can't look at him in his eyes. "uh, halloween.." i sigh. he furrows his eyebrows, i guess he didn't know everything. "yeah i was having issues with how i looked in the costume." he furrows his eyebrows more. "i dunno, i guess that's it. i've just been having issues." he pulls me into a hug.

a little while later we're just kind of sitting there. we're not talking, we're not watching or listening to anything, we're doing absolutely nothing. i love doing nothing, as long as it's with him.