lover boy

part thirty four

NICKS POV

"i dunno." she collapses.

she falls on the floor while everyone is jumping up and down. i lean down to grab her. she's humming but i don't think she means to. i grab her back and her knees while i carry her back to her room.

"ill be back, im gonna take her to her room." i tell charlie. jesus. i walk through crowds of people trying to find her room, i don't know what number it is but i'm hoping she has a sign or something. she opens her eyes. "nick!" shes smiling. "hi." i say. it's hard to see anything because of the flashing lights. i decide to bring her to my room. i have a roommate but he's barely even there. i open the door and flick the lights on. nellie barks at me. i rest millie down on my bed. i turn the lights off and look at her. her eyes are opening every once in a while.

"nick.." she whispers. i get closer so i can hear her. "can you please stay with me?"

i grab a hair tie off my roommates nightstand and i tie it gently around her hair. she can't sleep without her hair being up. i sit down next to her. she puts her head on my lap. "nick.." she's still quiet. "hmm?" i say back, also quiet. "why'd you leave me?" i don't know why i left her. i should never have done it. i love charlie but she's my other half. i think it was an accident that i can't really get back. i lie down so i can't hear her better. "nick.." she says. i miss her head being on my chest. that's how she always used to sleep. "yeah?" i respond. i haven't been the same without her. "you're still my favorite person." my heart practically drops that she said that. my eye tear up. "millie?" i quietly say. "nick?" her hand rests on my stomach. "you're my favorite person still." it's true. she'll never not be  my favorite person. she's my favorite person forever. even if we don't end up together, she'll always be my favorite person.

about thirty minutes later i go out to tell charlie i'm going to bed. he's dancing with tao, he looks so happy. he want through the same thing millie went through. what an awful person i am? he's happy with me and i'm happy with him. why do i still feel so in love with millie?

"charlie!" i wave my arms at him. he waves back and we meet. "i'm gonna go to sleep, i love you." i kiss him. tao 'awes' at us and i go back to my room.

nellie and millie are snuggling together like they used to do. i smile and get into my roommates bed. i don't want to be rude and sleep with her. she looks peaceful sleeping there anyway. she probably always has something going on in her mind but right now she doesn't. she's peacefully sleeping. 

i cannot believe this is where it got us. i cannot believe i have to think about breaking up with charlie but i have to stay knowing i did this to him or staying with him but always being a bit sad. i should probably text my mom but i don't want to upset her. my mom love her. i love her. she's perfect for me and i've ruined it. i ruined her.