lover boy

part twenty four

MILLIES POV

im going to be honest,  i am mess. like im a complete wreck. i broke up with nick only three days ago now i'm sobbing on him telling him how im upset because he's going to break up with me. what is wrong with me? i don't know why i am how i am but it's exhausting being myself.

i come home, i walked home because i couldn't deal with seeing nick. he's sitting on my front porch step. "i didn't know where the spare key was.." he stands up. that's funny, it's funny that i don't want to see him but whenever he smiled at me i completely melted.

im in a daze still after my mental breakdown in the bathroom stall. he hands me a plastic bag full of my pills that i've been meaning to take. "i need those." i laugh a bit. "yeah.." he sighs, his hands are in his pockets. we awkwardly stand there for a few seconds. "im sorry for earlier.. i know i broke up with you first and that i probably seem like the crazy girl that's needing to be with you, im sorry." im smiling to relieve the complete awkwardness going between us. i feel so stupid.

"you're not like that..." he looks at me. i look down because making eye contact with him is far too painful. "do you want to go to bed at my house?" i stop and glance at him. i can't tell if he's being nice or if he's being serious. "what?" my eyes are heavy. "do you want to come home?"

home. his house is my home.

i nod and walk upstairs to grab my things for school the next day.

we get to his house and his mom hugs me. she didn't have to say anything to me, just by the hug i could tell she was glad i'm safe. his mom and i don't talk much but we still have a great relationship. 

"cmon, millie." nick takes my hand and we go up to his room. i lie down on his bed. his bed is warm but not from his body heat, it's just how it is. my bed isn't like that.

we talk for a bit. a serious talk, like a deep conversation. we talk about how i need to fix my sleeping habits. we talk about imogen and how we should deal with her. we talk about my eating, we talk about it for a long time. we talk about his rugby. we talk about his school and my school. we talk about our relationship and where're we're going. we talk about everything. something's i didn't want to talk about, other things i did want to talk about. we ended our conversation with him trying to braid my hair.

"i just can't get it to work!" he stressfully says.

"you have to follow the video!" i'm laughing hysterically. he's never usually this stressed so seeming him in such distress is hilarious.

"i am!" my hair is in his hands. a ten minutes later after restarting the tutorial thirteen times he finally gets it. "alright.. i'm done!" he flips the mirror to reveal two loose french braids on my head.

"absolutely beautiful!" he has the biggest smile on his face.

eventually i fall asleep, i don't have dreams usually but tonight i did. i wasn't anything too important, nick was leaving for university and he was happy. really happy. we were packing his car and he was saying bye. we kissed and he drove off. i wake up after his car isn't visible anymore. my eyes open and i'm in nicks arms. "how long have you been up?" hes look down at me. "not long.." he's smiling. it's sweet having someone to care for you and look after you, even if you're a pain.