lover boy

part twenty nine

i wake up with texts from nick. i don't open them, the wounds are too new. everyone else is already awake and eating breakfast. charlies the only one not eating breakfast. "good morning!" charlie day to me. i smile and make myself some tea. i feel sick. my eyes are puffy from crying so much and my stomach feels like it's going to explode. "how're you feeling?" elle asks me. "i'm.." i pause, "i'm okay." i'm clearly not okay. i look at the leeds university website. i do it every morning unintentionally. i check to see if they add anything, they never have.

everyone finishes breakfast and we get ready for the day, i doubt anyones going to do anything but we all still get ready. i'm going home and i have to talk to nicks mom, all my stuff is at their house too. charlies sister, tori, comes out drinking a cup of diet lemonade. she has dark hair that's kind of covering her face, i think she's pretty. "what's your name?" she asks me, pouring some more diet lemonade. "millie." i say, taking sips out of my mug. "i'm tori." i already know her name because i see her around school a lot.

i open my phone to see i've gotten more texts from nick.

nick: are you okay?
nick: are you home
nick: i'm coming over
nick: i'm worried
nick: i'm leaving soon
nick: i miss you x
millie: sorry, im at a friends house
millie: have you left yet
nick: no im about to in like fifteen minutes

i put my phone down. i run upstairs to say bye and thanks for having me. i give charlie my number and hug everyone. i run out the door looking for nicks car. it's pretty embarrassing that im a girl in a dress with make up down my face and my shoes in my hands while i run about. i find nicks house and nicks mom is standing outside. nicks car is still there.

"millie!" she says, kissing me on the cheek.

"where's nick?" i say frantically.

"he's upstairs?" she watches me run inside. i run up the stairs and into nicks room, he's looking at the photo album i bought him.

"millie?!" he stands up. i kiss him. im out of breath from running and my asthma definitely doesn't help. my arms are wrapped around his neck and my legs are wrapped around his waist. it was my rom com moment. it was magical until i realized he's not mine anymore. he's not how he was. i jump down hugging him. im crying. he's crying. i know he didn't mean to break up with me but he still did, he broke up with me. i cant breathe yet im still breathing. my chest hurts. my stomach hurts. my everything hurts. "im sorry, im sorry, im sorry." he repeats under his breath. we hug each other for a while.

i am going to miss the first day we met, like really met. when we were on the bus and we held me as i cried. when he held me while i slept. i miss it so much. i am going to miss all the moments we had together. i am going to miss talking to him. i am going to miss the mornings we shared.i am going to miss him visiting me in the hospital. i am going to miss being happy and i am going to miss being with him always. i am going to miss him, his smell,he way he hugs me, everything about him is a part of me that i can't forget. i cant forget him and i don't want to.