lover boy

part twenty five

it's halloween today. nick and i have been shopping for a costume for fours hours. he hasn't been able to pick between frankenstein or not dressing up at all.

"nick! it's halloween, you've got to dress up!" i'm dressing up as 'mr styles', i decided on the way to the halloween store because my favorite harry styles song started a planing.

"i don't think anyone else is dressing up.." he's intensely looking at all of the costumes to choose from. we're going to a halloween party at some hotel harry rented out.

"it's halloween! everyone is!" i'm shocked he's doubting it. girls dress in slutty costumes that barely cover their private parts and guys wear whatever they want, but it's usually a costume.

he grabs the frankenstein outfit out of my hands and he holds it up looking at what's inside for the eighth time. "okay, i'm doing it!" we walk to the register. i'm planning on painting his face green and he'll wear the costume. i never buy costumes i always make mine.

we pay for his costume and we get in the car to go home. his moms not home so we can blast music and stuff while were getting ready.

he unlocks the front door and sets his things down. i slip my homemade costume on, i got a loose fitted collared shirt with light pink stripes along my chest and i bought baggy jeans. hes wearing that on the 'harry's house' album cover. it's a complete masterpiece and i love it very much.

nick walks out in a forest green suit and blue jeans. "do i look ridiculous?" hes standing there with his hands on his hips. "you look like frankenstein himself!" i'm smiling a bit but he nods and walks back into the bathroom. "could you help me with my face paint?!" he shouts.

we paint on green makeup for thirty minutes, i was trying to perfect it. "it looks fine!" he laughs. "i'm trying to get it right!" i say, blending the two different shade of green together. he kisses me which definitely makes me stop. he leaves the room to go grab something and i look in the mirror, i have green paint all over my face. i wash my face off in the sink. "millie! millie, it's time to go!" hes grabbing his stuff. i don't know why he's so stressed because harry's parties lasts for hours and hours we could be thirty minutes late without anyone noticing. i take my pills and we leave. he's dancing to halloween music while we're driving, i have my permit he just likes to drive. he says it's 'relaxing' but truthfully i think i just suck at driving.

there's cars parked everywhere and lights bursting out of the windows.

"see, there's people dressed up!" i point to the people smoking outside.

"yeah, yeah.." he opens my car door.

we walk in and the fumes of alcohol is strong. harry walks up to us. "what's up, mate." he fist bumps nick. "who even are you?" he shouts over the rap music. "i'm harry styles!" i shout back, i can barely hear anything normally so with the music i think i need a hearing aid. "huh." he walks off. i look down at my costume, it was hoping you could tell who i was but i guess i kind of look like a catholic grandmother. nick drags me to go see some of his friends. i'm friendly with nicks friends but i wouldn't say we're friends, nicks my only friend really. "hey, i'm going to go to the toilet!" i squeeze nicks and i look for the nearest bathroom.

there's girls vomiting and crying inside. "excuse me, sorry." i say as i pass every girl standing by the mirrors. i walk into a stall and i take out my phone. i stare at my outfit for a while. i try to find a way to make it less stupid looking. i tuck it in but i only make myself look dumber. i sit down on the toilet and put my head in my hands. i feel a buzzing in my back pocket, it's nick.

nick: you alright?
millie: yeah, i'm fine!
millie: it took me a while to find it lol
nick: okay, i'm gonna be standing near harry and the rest of them
mille: alright x

i don't want to leave. i put my hands on my hips, stilling looking at my reflection. i think about what will make myself look better, nothing really. i tie the back of my shirt and tuck into my pants. i leave the toilet and i search for nick. i see a group all smoking near couches. i then see nicks dark blonde hair in the rainbow lights. i walk up to him, he's coughing and passing the blunt off to one of his rugby mates next to him. "oh," he stops to cough, "hi millie." hes smiling. "hi." i smile back. "did you want-" i cut him off, "no, im fine." i've never smoked before. i know he has because he's seventeen and goes to most of harry's parties, he also had to go through the stress of dating me. he takes a sip out of his red plastic cup and they continue. i sit down next to him, they keep passing it to me but i decline every time. i'm sure it'll relieve anxiety and stuff off of me but i don't know, i just have never done it. i'm sure i will eventually just not now. the blunt runs out and they all start going back to dance or go drink some more.

"do you wanna dance?" nick asks me, his breath smells like alcohol and weed.

"sure." i help him up and we go off to dance. we usually don't dance at parties but we are tonight. he's stumbling over his feet a bit so i'm holding onto his arm so he doesn't fall on his feet. "nick, do you want to go home?" i say, helping him up the stairs.

"why? do you want to go home?" he slurs his words a little.

"not unless you want to, i was just asking him." i say. he shakes his head and walks to the dance floor. the music is blaring and there's alcohol of some sort on the ground. nick is dancing with his eyes closed, it's kind of funny honestly.

"dance with me." he grabs my hand and he moves his hips in circles. i don't really know how to dance, i especially don't know how to dance while still making sure nick is okay. im lightheaded a bit but i think it's just the fumes of everything. i feel like im the only sober one here, i might be. harry comes over in his cheerleader costume to come talk to us. i cant hear him at all he's saying something about how much fun his party is but i can really read lips well so that's as much as i got. i give him a thumbs up with the hand i'm not holding nick up with. he walks away dancing.

"i'm tired!" nick shouts over the music, "could we go home?" i nod and we leave it's around twelve and the only source of light is the lamp posts around the road. nick and i walk to the car, me in the front seat and him in the passenger seat. i know he's not okay to drive so i have to do it. if the police pulls us over we'll both get in trouble and his mom will have to come pick us both out of jail. nick holding my leg as im driving. he's supposed to be 'supervising' but his eyes are closed as he's singing a long to some song on the radio. we drive past three police officers on the way back to his house, i drive slow though so i wasn't too concerned. we've been quiet the whole time but the radios breaking the silence between us.

i unlock the front door and i help him inside, his mom should be sleeping. "thanks.." nick whispers. i'm walking him up the stairs and to his bed. he flops down, landing on his stomach. i find a large bowl out of the pantry, he's probably going to vomit whether i like it or not. he's asleep by the time i get back into the room. he's very peaceful, well that's how he always is but he's extra peaceful right now.

i set the bowl down next to his bed and i lie down next to him. my stomach hurts.

"millie, you're my favorite person." he murmurs.

"you're my favorite person too." i don't think much of it just because we say things like this all the time.

"ill never fall out of love with you.." this is not something we usually say.

"what?"

"i'm never going to break up with you, like ever. i couldnt live without you.." he's slurring his words so badly i can barely hear him. he leans over to grab the bowl and turns away from me so i can't see him vomiting. i'm in shock a bit no one's said anything like that to me. i've said things like that to him but i didn't think he'd say it to me, especially not when hes heavily intoxicated. "sorry.." he sniffles and puts the bowl down.

"you're okay," i kiss him on the cheek  and i get back up to throw his vomit to the garbage. my head is tumbling over the fact he said that to me. he probably just said it causes he's high and drunk. he probably didn't mean it, you're thinking of yourself highly. don't take it too heart he didn't seriously mean that.

i bring back water and the bowl except empty. "i love you, thank you." he curls his head onto my chest like i do to him. i run my fingers through his hair. he loves me. he loves me.