lover boy

part twenty

six weeks. fourty two days. how is that possible.

i walk to see dwight for the last time ever. "hey, kid!" he says. "guess what?!" i exclaim. "what is it?" his back is turned to me because he's doing something. "it's my last day!" i jump up and down clapping. he turns around, "it is?!" i wouldn't be surprised if he started to jump up and down too. i skip around the corridors knowing that within the next few hours ill be gone forever. todd, my security guard friends laughs at me jumping around, especially because it's seven in the morning.

lots has happened within the last six weeks. nicks now seventeen, and he owns a car.  i've gotten surgery twice. once because someone left a piece of metal in my mac and cheese, and the other way because i was flushing my food down the toilet for four days. i was on the verge of death. it was the lowest i think i've gotten. i'm fine now though, i eat three meals a day sometimes two but it's not a big deal. im allowed basically everything but shaving. no one's allowed to shave. im even allowed to shower and use the bathroom by myself. i'm taking three pills now. one of them is just vitamins. i didn't make friends with anyone here but most of the staff i'm cool with. i'm doing great now. i'm finally doing fine.

millie: nick are you close?
millie: i'm sooo excited to come home
millie: love u xxx

nick hasn't answered any of my texts.

i run into the visitation area even though i don't have a visitor. "hii mrs p!" i say to the woman that's always shouting at me. "what is it now?" she rolls her eyes at me. "it's my last day!!" i jump around the visitation room and i run out. this might be the best day of my entire life.

my phone vibrates in my pocket. im sitting in the group therapy room.

nick: look out the window xx

i jump out of my seat and look out to see what he's talking about. he's looking up at me squinting. it's the fifth floor so it's kind of high up but i can still see him. i run up and hug dwight, "bye! thank you!!" i say, leaving the room. i run to my room to gather my things. it's still dark and cold but i've come to appreciate it and it's coldness. i take out a piece of paper and start writing quickly.

dear future resident of this room,

i hope it treats you well. i've had some tough times here. i've gotten into fights and i've starved myself. i've sob into this pillow and i've wrapped myself into this blanket. i don't know you but i hope you are doing well. or at least you will. i didn't know why i was even in here when i got here. i'm going to be honest, it sucked at first. i hated everyone here and i wouldn't talk. you should talk. be yourself. i love you so very much and your important.

p.s befriend todd, the guard that stands near the visitation room, befriend dwight the group therapist, befriend all of the women that watch you bathe and pee, and befriend mrs p, the woman that yells in the visitation room.

xx, most recent person in here.

i leave it under the bed for them to find. i grab all of my things and i run out screaming. "bye everyone!!!!" i hug todd and i run into the visitation room. nicks standing there with a giant smile. i run into his arms and he catches me. i dig my head into the crook of his neck and we just stand there like that. i've never wanted to hug someone like this so much. "hi," nick struggles to say. i jump back down and i grab his hand as we walk out.

he has a nice car, it's a grey honda civic. he hasn't looked away from me since i hugged him. we talk about everything in the car while we're on the way back to his house. it's sunday and theirs school tomorrow. 

"we can go do something if you want," nick suggests.

"no! i wanna stay home." i say, he walks me into the house. it smells like i remembered it to smell like. it's a nice cozy smell. he brings me up to his room and i lie down on his bed. nellie, his dog, jumps up with us. nicks one arm is around me. i don't know when, but at some point i fell asleep.
it was 10:00 in the morning when i began to sleep.

nick shakes me awake. "hey, are you okay?"

i run my eyes, "yeah?"

"it's time for school, you've been sleeping this entire time." he looks like he's seen a ghost.

"sorry," i laugh. i grab my school uniform and get dressed. although i hate uniforms, it's my first time in two months that i've put it on, i missed it. i missed tying nicks tie every morning, i missed waiting for the bus, i missed sitting on the bus, i missed it all.

"can you help?" nicks tie is undone. i smile and tie it. i put my shoes on. we leave for the bus.

everyone's going to laugh at me. "did you.. did you tell anyone where i was?" i look up at nick who's arm i'm holding. "no! definitely not!" he shakes his head. "what should i tell people?" i feel vulnerable at the fact that i've been gone for eight weeks with no explanation as to why. "vacation?" he shrugs his shoulders. i know everyone is going to ask me. i don't want to answer their stupid questions. the bus drives in front of us. i pause for a second before walking up to it. "it'll be alright." nick squeezes me. we walk into the bus and people immediately start whispering. "i heard she got kicked out!" "well i've heard that she moved, i guess not."

harry and the rest of the rugby team starts to snicker as we walk up. "where've you been?!" harry laughs. "vacation." i shortly say. "right!" everyone laughs.

we get to school and it's going to get worse the longer the day goes on. nick is sitting on one of the tables outside whenever a girl with blonde streaks in the front of her hair comes up and sits next to him. he ruffles his hair, "good morning!" she laughs. i sharply stare at them. has he been.. cheating on me? while i've been in the mental institution, he's been cheating on me. i lean against the tree. "bye-bye nick!" she jumps off of the table and walks off toward higgs. i just look at him whose looking at me. "that's imogen." harry says, "she has a massive crush on nick." nick bites his lip. i walk up to nick who's hair is stuff messed up from her. i flatten it back out how he likes it and i give him a kiss on the cheek. "ill see you later." i walk off to higgs too, thinking about what just happened.

he wouldn't. no, he could never do that. i had fifteen minutes before i needed to get to class. i'm waking in the corridors and i feel a tap on my shoulder.

"hi, i'm imogen!" she stands right in front of me, holding her hand out. i shake her hand. "yeah, i saw you and nick getting off the bus together... do you know him?"

i scoff. 'do i know him?' what a joke. "yes... i do know him."

"okay, are you siblings he never told me anything about having a sibling."'

"no... i'm his girlfriend." her jaw falls a bit when i
say this.

"you're his girlfriend?"

"yeah, we've been together for like six months."

"i haven't seen you around, so i just thought-"

i cut her off. "no, i'm his girlfriend." i walk past her. my hands are shaking a bit because i don't know if he'd want me to tell everyone we're girlfriend and boyfriend. 

nick: can we talk at lunch?
millie: sure xx
nick: ❤️

i have no idea what to make of this. i don't want to act all crazy and i don't want to seem like i dont care. maybe the hospital wasn't so bad.