lover boy

part seven

i awake. it's saturday so i have no school. i never do much on saturdays, i might read or something. i lean over to get my phone which is charging, i got a few messages.

i open kaylea's message first.

kaylea: hey
kaylea: idk what happened yesterday but i think you should get some help.

before i continue reading i sigh a very long sigh.

kaylea: like no normal person does that, you might look into being medicated. i'm just concerned.

what is her problem? if she wasn't so unbearable to hangout with that wouldn't of happened. i don't need to be medicated?!

i open my moms message next.

mom: we're gonna be gone little while longer, love you!!!
millie: love you too!!

they're supposed to come back this upcoming tuesday. they'll probably come back the next next tuesday.

i open nicks last.

nick: hi there's gonna be a party tonight
nick: it's at harry's if you wanna come :))
millie: sure!! should i buy a gift for someone?
nick: no it's no one's bday lol
nick: see you there!!!

i'm probably gonna bring something. actually, maybe not. i don't know.

i read for a couple hours before i start to get hungry. i walk down stairs, the house is dark and empty. it doesn't bother me too much though, it's kind of peaceful honestly.

i open the fridge. it's getting empty since no one's gone grocery shopping since monday of last week. i get myself some dr pepper, then i put it back as it's the last one and they don't sell it very much in the uk. i grab some water, then i put it on the counter. i stare at it. water confuses me because there's no taste but everyone loves it. i don't understand but i drink it so i don't die.

i grab a strawberry out of the fridge, i take a bite out of it, leaving the leaves on it. i bring the cup i filled with water to my room.

flopping on the bed i realize i woke up at 3:00 in the afternoon. how did i manage to read that much? i go on my phone moving the least i physically can. my life is so boring when i'm by myself. harry posted that the party started at 8. five hours.

i decide to take a shower, once i feel like getting up. the sound of getting up, picking out clothes, taking off my clothes washing my hair, condition it, wash my body, shave my legs, get out, put clothes on, dry my hair, get makeup on, and then leave, sounds painful. it is painful. i do it still.

i grab my favorite t-shirt, it's a 'cardigans' shirt. i get some pants that aren't too baggy but aren't skinny jeans. i lay them out on the sink. i get undressed. i have an issue before and after a shower where i over analyze my body. i count all of my birthmarks and i see if i've gotten anymore. last time i counted i had four. they're not any big ones but i like them. id count all of my freckles if i could but at this point they're kind of all together on my face. i have way too many on my body to count anyway. i see if my body has changed in a good way or a bad way. it usually always looks different and never in a way i like.

i never like how my stomach, shoulders, knees, collarbones, and feet look but i've figured i have to deal with it. i get in the shower, singing my favorite songs. i get out. my hair looks pretty. my  freckles are super dark. i dry my hair and my body and i change my clothes. i pick out a black dress. i get a text from nick while im slipping the dress on.

nick: hi did u see what harry posted?
millie: no ? what is it
nick: it's gonna be a pool party instead
nick: people are still going to be inside but yk
nick: i'm bringing my bathing suit under my clothes lolll
millie: okay thanks !!
nick: :))

i hate pool parties. one of the many things i dislike, pool parties are pretty high up on the list. i used to love them but i don't like the idea of teens judging me while i'm swimming in a body of water.

i exhale sharply while i take the dress off and try to find a bathing suit. the dress is loose enough for the bathing suit to not show. i look around for an old bathing suit of mine, i haven't gone swimming in a long time. twenty minutes pass and im still bathing suit-less.

i check in my moms closet because i know there's some in there. i have two options; i have a rose one that matches well with black bottoms, and i have the second one which is a tye dye one. i choose the rose one. i smile putting it on because it fits nicely. it hugs my hips and the top ties around my neck with one of the string things.

i put the black dress back over the bathing suit. you can see the bathing suit strings by my neck a good amount but not so much it looks slutty, the perfect amount. i brush on a little mascara. i decide on a little bun thing with my claw clip. i do that hair style a lot.

i begin walking, my phone is in my hand. i didn't bring a bag or anything because i don't think anyone else would. i text nick.

millie: hii i'm omw
nick: i can pick you up if you want? i'm with my mom lol

i look up from my phone for a couple seconds before i realize how awkward that would be with his mom. 'yeah mom this is the girl that sat with me on the bus and then had a panic attack and cried and then slept on me. oh yeah she also screamed at her friends and then had another breakdown. that's millie.'

millie: i'm okay thank u tho !!
nick: alright
nick: i'll see u there :)
millie: okay xx