lover boy

part sixteen

"you're joking." i scoff at the caller on the other end.

nick stares at me while i'm sitting with my knees to my chest.

"i'm. not. doing. that." i hang up the phone. the bus shakes me a bit but i reach the bag to put my phone back into.

"what?"

"it's nothing." i look at nick.

he has a concerned look on his face. "what is it?"

"somebody wants to send me to an institution. like i'll sleep there and stuff."

his jaw hangs open. "oh, um.." he looks down. "i feel you should call them back, maybe?" he tells me.

"no! i'm not doing it! i'll go insane!" i whisper-shout.

"no you won't, and obviously its for a reason." nick looks upset.

"no, my therapist just hates me!" i laugh.

he gives me a comforting laugh but it's obviously not very funny. we don't speak about it anymore. i get calls almost every fifteen minutes but after the fourth one i turn off my phone and fall asleep for the remaining time we're on the bus.

"cmon everyone! it's time to wake up, we're here!" coach ajayi shouts with a megaphone.

nick shakes me so that i'm awake and rubs his eyes. "millie! cmon!" he whispers.

"i'm getting up," i yawn.

he grabs my hand and has me follow him outside of the bus. everyone is jogging to bathrooms to change into their uniform. i'm holding nicks clothes, standing outside for the stall. all the normal men their are staring at me strangely but it doesn't bother me much. "millie?" he says, holding his pants over the stall. i grab them and continue standing there. he walks out having his hands out. "so beautiful!" i sarcastically say. he kisses me on the cheek and we leave. coach ajayi has everyone gathered in a circle. she's giving the boys a pep talk. "you all are going to rock it! you're going to do so great and we're going to win!" "are you ready?" i ask nick. "yeah!" he says. grey clouds surround the field and it begins to thunder. they all run out and start the game. i cheer for them until i get a call.

"hello?" i ask. "mrs rogan?" the woman over the phone from early replies. "yes." i sigh in defeat. "you're going to have to listen and comply." she sounds serious. "i'm sorry. i'm okay with doing therapy and the medication i'm on, im not comfortable going to an institution." i try to sound as firm as possible. "ma'am, it's a must. you need to. the medication and therapy hasn't been working like we intended and you're not doing well." i thought i was fine. "i'm very busy with school and friends and things and i can't go to an institution." im turned away from the game so nick can't see the fear on my face. "either you come to the location we've sent you or we will come get you." she hangs up the phone. i breathe for a couple seconds before turning around and cheering for nick.

it reaches the end of the game and our team won. nicks all covered in dirt and wet from his sweat. i give him a big hug and he kisses me on the head.

"you did so good!" i smile at him. he has a huge smile on his face and he's looking around at all the boys who are celebrating their victory. they shower in the bathrooms and get back in the bus to go home. he's still smiling while we get situated with all of our things.

i lean back into the seat and i look at my hands. i like that they all know how to move by themselves. like they're just aware of what to do and how to move to let me go through life.

"what's wrong?" nick says.

"nothing!" i look up at him.

"oh, you just looked upset." he grabs my hand.

"i'm okay!" i lie. i'm not okay. i'm not okay at all. i'm being sent to an institution against my will and i have to tell nick that i'll be gone and i have to make him go through another thing with me. he didn't sign up for any of this and now that he's dating me he has to drive me and a mental hospital.

i guess the thoughts in my head is seen by him because he's still looking at me.

"okay, really what's wrong?" he says.

"seriously, it's nothing!" i lie on my back. he does the same.

"millie, please tell me. i want to know, i care about you." my heart immediately melts for him.

my chest hurts and i can't breathe.

"i'll tell you tomorrow when we're home, this has been a great day and i don't want to be the reason it's not a good day anymore." i have to take a sharp breath because i ran out of air after saying that. i can tell he wants me to tell him right now but i'm not. i ruin things all the time. every day basically and i don't want to ruin one day. just one.