Heartstopper

Movie

Do you know that moments, when you really want to do something but you can't ? Like your too afraid to even move because it could ruin anything and your head is full of:
"Do it !"
"No don't do it !"
That's how it is by me right now . Me and Nick ( my straight supportive best friend ( beside Tao )) are looking a movie . And do you know this moment, were you get this urge to sit on your crush's lap and just put your head in their neck and relaxe ? To recharge ? Even though You know it will never happens and you just wish it would be a Disney movie because then it would ? Like just let the world go on and you both are just sitting there ?
Well 1. I hate my body , so I will think all the time that he will hate it too .
2.He's straight . So no sitting on his lap .
I sighed and looked at him . He looks perfect . Some strains are falling in his face and his eyes are focused on the screen . Once in a while, when he don't understand something , he bit his lip in confusion .
He wears his blue Adidas sweater, which looks super comfy and grey sweatpants . He's so perfect.

I don't even know what we're looking right now .
I couldn't focus on the movie , even though I tried .... really . My eyes always came back to the boy beside me . I tried my best to move away because if he would come too near, I would probably fall apart or die . I hate this feelings . I hate the feeling, when you love somebody but this person doesn't even think about you . In fact I hate to fall in love . It hurts and it's not fair . It really isn't but until someone would fall in love with me , I can't do something different then wait until Nick Nelson notices, how much I am starring at him .

Happy Pride day to every Genderqueer !
I hope you had a good day !