I've Chosen You

CHAPTER 31

"Itapon mo ang unan. Lumipat ka ng bahay, tutal mapera ka naman. Maraming paraan para hindi mo ako maamoy at makita sa bahay mo. At hindi ako uuwi sayo. Walang uuwi sayo." mariing sabi ko. Alam kong sa pagkakataong ito ay sobrang talim na ng mga salita ko pero hindi ako nagpigil. I can clearly see how much pain he's enduring right now. Kita iyon sa malungkot at halos walang buhay niyang mga mata.

"Give me another chance, A-Auria. I want to correct everything. I want to make it up to you. Gusto kong magpakaama sa a-anak natin."

"Anak natin?" pagak akong tumawa. "You've got tested twice, right? It revealed that you're not capable of being a father. What's with the sudden change of heart? Ngayon anak mo na?" I can't help but to spit sarcasm. He swallowed hard. I can still clearly remember how he disowned my unborn child. How he pointed someone as the father. How he treated me when he found out that I am pregnant. Ginamit niya ako na parang walang bata sa sinapupunan ko. May kasalanan din ako dahil nagpaubaya at hinayaan ko siya na gawin ang mga bagay na 'yon, pero mas may kasalanan siya sakin.

"Umuwi kana, Luciano. Hindi ko kailangan ang presensiya mo dito." mariing sabi ko.

"Don't be too hard on me.." paos at hirap niyang sabi.

"No, Luciano. Don't be too hard on me. Kung may katiting kapang pagmamalasakit para sakin, ibigay mo na. 'Wag kana munang magpapakita sa akin dahil puro stress ang dala mo. Hindi 'yon nakakabuti sa pagbubuntis ko." he blinked his tears away. Umiwas ako ng tingin dahil hindi ko kayang pagmasdan siyang ganito. He's far from the Luciano I've met in the Bar. Para siyang batang iniwan ng ina.

"But I want to be with you." he said, lost.

"Ask me if I want to be with you." pinanatili ko ang lamig sa boses ko. Fuck! Muli akong umiwas ng tingin nang bumaling siya sakin. Mapula ang mga mata at tumutulo pa rin ang mga luha niya. "I don't want to be with you." yet. Doon siya tuluyang nawalan ng pag-asa. Yumuko siya at umalog ang mga balikat. Mahina siyang umiyak sa harapan ko.

"I know that my sorrys aren't enough for all the pain I inflicted to your family, especially to you. But I want to say it still. I'm sorry, Auria. I don't want to be the source of your stress. I don't want to put your pregnancy at stake. But please, take good care of your self while I am away, hm? Can you promise me that?" I don't know why it's heartbreaking to hear kahit ito naman ang gusto ko.

"Y-You don't have to ask that." sabi ko, pilit pinapatatag ang sarili kahit unti-unti nang gustong humagulhol.

"Thank you. That's enough to keep me sane. If my absence will do good to your pregnancy, please expect my presence not be seen starting today." he said like a promise. Hirap akong lumunok. My throat is dry but my eyes aren't. Tipid na ngiti ang ibinigay niya sakin bago ako tinalikuran.

I watched him vanished from my sight with a heavy and emotional heart. I will see you soon, Senyorito. I just need time away from you, to forgive you and for you to forgive yourself. Let's learn from our mistakes separately, at least, for now.

That day, I poured my emotions. Inilibing si Papa na maulan na para bang nakikidalamhati ang langit sa sakit na nararamdaman namin. Sayang. Sayang kasi hindi kami nabigyan ng pagkakataong magkasama at makilala pa ang isa't-isa. Binawi agad siya ng sakit niya. But atleast, we were given a chance to know each other. Hindi man personal pero alam kong tumatak naman sakanya ang maikling oras na nagkita kaming dalawa. Gaya nang sinabi ni Zeus, he was at his happiest during his last week. Sapat na 'yon para sakin.

It took us months to accept what happened. Si Zeus hindi man ganun kaemosyonal, alam kong kapag siya lang at walang nakakakita ay doon niya nilalabas ang totoong nararamdaman. He's been with our father since then. Sila ang may pinakamaraming alaalang nabuo nang magkasama kaya alam kong mas masakit para sakanya ang mga nangyare.