ORDER (sequel to Trouble) [TWD]

the past

"We gonna talk about this?" Daryl questions.

Nanami rips another tube from the organ off the wall, "Which part?"

Daryl sighs, already tired and beyond, "All of it. Any of it."

"You left," Nanami reminds with a split second of eye contact as he passes the other man the material.

Daryl sets it aside, waiting for Nanami to look at him again before he speaks, "So did you, Na."

Nanami hesitates at handing Daryl the next piece.

"You blaming me?"

"I didn't say that. I would never say that," Daryl denies.

Nanami felt like a mess that grew with every passing second.

"I always put Sakiko first-"

"This ain't about Sakiko," Daryl cuts him off, "This is about you and me. Ain't no one else. We'll figure that out later."

Nanami goes quiet again. He was so.. accustomed to him and Daryl's conversations being about Sakiko. Find Sakiko, care for her, talk some sense into her.. It was always about Sakiko.

"Do you regret it?" Daryl wonders, seeing the look in his eyes.

"What part?" Nanami asks.

Really, that could go for a million things. Regret going after Sakiko, leaving Sakiko, killing those soldiers for the sake of Woodbury, being a little shit like he was.. Daryl's question was too vague.

"Getting in the truck."

Nanami tilts his head, "Before Atlanta?"

"Mm," Daryl nods, "You regret it?"

It was safe to say that Nanami wasn't expecting that moment.

He could still remember the night that led up to their leaving. It was his birthday and that junkie that Shinsuke had cut from his routes found the twins. It was the first time Nanami could recall standing up for himself and protecting Sakiko. It was usually the other way around. In the heat of the moment, he had stabbed the man. It was the first time Nanami's hands were bloody.

They were desperate to get away from the hellhole they were in. Daryl was the one that said they could run. It was Sakiko that said he should go with them. Nanami just followed along.

But, did he regret it?

He was always following Sakiko's lead. Maybe chasing her lead would be a better term as he tried to keep up with her.

Looking back at Daryl's eyes, Nanami sighs.

"No," he answers shortly.

Daryl doesn't hide his sigh of relief.

"I just.. I regret everything else," Nanami swallows.

"Everything else?" Daryl repeats.

"Thinking that the four of us could just leave the Atlanta camp. Leave everyone else weaponless and hungry. Then, not finding Sakiko fast enough. Getting separated. Andrea died for me and I.. I just stood there and watched. I didn't deserve Michonne after that. she should have just left me in that overrun store. Because all I did was turn around and put her in Woodbury. I fell into the trap and let the Governor tell me what to do. I did things that.."

Nanami pauses, chest aching as he could vividly remember the smell, feel, and sound of them ambushing those soldiers.

"Then, I lied to Sakiko just to.. have a reason. I thought that if she was there, then what I did would be worth it. If she got those things that I.." he sighs, "That I killed for.. It was all worth it because it went to someone that mattered to me."