ORDER (sequel to Trouble) [TWD]

i get it now

"Don't," Nanami shakes his head.

Daryl glances at his eyes for a second, though Nanami didn't meet the contact. Nanami was sitting on the trunk of a car as Daryl wrapped his hands that were rope burned from the strap of the gun.

"Don't what?" Daryl asks.

"You're gonna ask me if I wanna talk about it," Nanami points out.

Daryl tries to act like he wasn't.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Nanami continues, "Don't need to."

"Need and want are two different things," Daryl reminds.

"Neither apply to me."

"I disagree."

Nanami didn't want to talk about the officer he nearly killed. Instead, he thinks about that guidance counselor back in school that he and Sakiko had to see.

"You know Kiko has issues," Nanami redirects the conversation.

"Don't we all?"

"No, I mean.. She has those attacks. Few other things, too. Back in school, the counselor said that she has manic episodes and some other big words I can't pronounce even now."

Daryl huffs a laugh at his refusal of doctor terms.

"She never went on medication for hers.. I did."

"You?" Daryl asks.

Nanami had never told anyone this story, not even Sakiko knew. But, maybe this was just one of those things he needed to talk about.

"I had a bipolar disorder or whatever it was called."

"There's a difference to those?" Daryl questions.

"Sakiko's comes more like seasons. One week she could feel one way, the next day be totally different, then spend a month another way. Mine.. it just happens in spurts. It's hot and cold."

Daryl slowly nods, taking in the information he wished he had ten years ago.

"Hers can make her feel really good- like overly good. Or, like complete shit. She can be selfish and think she's better than anyone or think she's the worst piece of garbage on the planet. Mine just flares up between a few different. Angry, sad, bored.."

Nanami sighs, turning his hand as Daryl urged so he could finish the task.

"Hers is anxiety and all over the place. Mine is depression and feels like shit."

Daryl nods again, understanding it more clearly. He just wished he knew sooner so that he could've seen those signs.

"She never went on meds for hers. She thought that the docs were just assholes and she was fine. I just wanted mine to stop, so I went on mood stabilizers. A few months before Atlanta.." Nanami breathes out roughly, shaking his head.

"Before Atlanta..?" Daryl urges.

"My pills went missing," Nanami answers, "Found 'em a few days later in my dad's stash. He stole my meds to get high."

Daryl bites the inside of his lip, frustration bubbling up at the thought of Shinsuke stealing his own son's medication to chase a high.

Then, he remembers he went through the same.

"Before I dropped outta school, teachers thought I couldn't pay attention. Called it ADD or some shit. I wasn't but maybe eight. Docs put me on meds to 'help me focus'. My old man didn't like paying that much for it so he told me not to take it and just started selling 'em to make his money back."