ORDER (sequel to Trouble) [TWD]

so close yet so far

Nanami needed to clear his head.

He was outside in the cool night air, jacket wrapped securely around him. It was the jacket Daryl had given him for his birthday all those years ago. It actually fit now and the thought made Nanami smiles through his tears.

"Na?" 

He looks around to see who called him. He catches a flash of light and looks up the the Grimes' house.

"Hey," he greets Carl who was hanging halfway out of his bedroom window with a flashlight in hand.

"You okay?"

Nanami looks around. There were a few stragglers that hadn't gone to bed just yet. Tara and Denise- walking to their house as they held hands and laughed. Enid- out in the gazebo with a lantern as she wrote in a journal.

"Hang on," Carl waves, noticing the hesitance to speak in Nanami.

It isn't long until Carl is running out of his room and down the stairs. He gets to the front door, opening it up and ushering Nanami inside. Too tired and strung out to deny, Nanami heads into the house.

"Is it about earlier? Not finding Glenn?" Carl whispers as they walk upstairs.

"Kind of.. Little more," Nanami answers quietly.

Judith, Rick, and Michonne were more than likely asleep. Why was Carl still up to begin with?

"Wanna talk about it?"

Nanami was going to say no. But, there was a reason he came in, after all.

Carl closes his bedroom door behind them and urges for Nanami to sit down. They take seats on the edge of Carl's bed and Nanami runs his hand through his ever-growing hair.

"You know bad dreams just.. suck ass."

"There's a reason I'm still up this late, ya know?" Carl relates, "Haven't slept the same since.. Well, it got better for awhile. It was bad at the prison and after. Got better when we got here. Then, all this."

Carl motions to his face and Nanami nods, assuring him he understood.

"Right back to square one," Carl finishes, "What about you?"

"I never really dreamed at all," Nanami slowly nods, "I don't think I ever had enough safety to have sleep strong enough to give me a dream. But, here lately.."

"What are they about? Sorry if that's overstepping."

Nanami opens his mouth, then closes it again. He hated the topic. The only people that knew were Daryl, Sakiko, and Abraham. Ryan and Rosita probably knew- but, they heard Sakiko's side of things.

"Mine are about Shane. My mom. Ron. What might happen if we lose this place. Sometimes I dream that I can't fight walkers strong enough like my dad and so I get bit," Carl reveals, hoping it'll help Nanami feel more at ease.

"I'm sorry," Nanami frowns, "You've been through a lot."

"I have. But, I'm here. Dreams are only.. blank hallucinations. What I do when I'm awake and alive.. That's gotta count for something, right?"

Nanami feels the words hit something deep within him. Carl had such a positive outlook on things despite the hell he's been through. It did help Nanami. A lot.

"My uh.. My dad," Nanami begins, "My birth one. Not my real one."

Carl smiles at the clarification. There was something cute about the way Nanami claimed Daryl as his 'real' dad.

"He was on some rough shit. It made him a different person. He used to be good. He cared about how we grew up. He loved us. But, after he started smoking, popping pills, and whatever else he was on.. He changed."