Creepy Experiences

Consigned to Oblivion

7/19/2022

I noticed that I lost some followers again. It was probably due to the chapter on how I view cps and sxcp in general. I reread it and edited it, so that it was less about me and more on the cps themselves. It also could've been due to my not updating the books that people actually want to read and focusing on things that I enjoy now. It hurts sometimes the feeling that people aren't as supportive as they used to be. When I made my first cp book, there were more commenters, reads, and votes. Though I guess the more people got to know me, the more they didn't like what they saw. I'm being so silly. Writing about this stuff and feeling supported is what kept me going for so long. I felt less alone unseen.

At the end of the day, I'm only a tool. People are disinterested in the substance inside unless it is useful to them or to feed their egos. In real life, people put me on a pedestal and find me unattainable. Other people love to destroy and make me fall from the pedestal. I don't want to get close to people at this point since my friendships and potential relationships are always sabotaged or forgotten. I think I need a break from social media in general. Probably gonna lose more followers, but who cares. There are a select few who I actually consider friends. I'm just tired of trying. It's not like I want attention I just wanted to feel like I belonged and that people were on my side. It's all a waste of time trying to convince and feel seen. 

Some could call me materialistic and cheap for complaining about not getting as much attention anymore, though I don't care. My life has just turned into a cycle of pain and misery. I'm not even allowed to show it, cause I get told that I should be happy for all the things that I have. I love my Dad, though he always uses the things he knows about me against me. I can't trust anyone else because they do the same. I'd be better off if everyone forgot me and if I was truly invisible. Though the loneliness would just eat me up inside. It's already eating me actually. Either way I feel like I have nothing to lose by taking a break and to the people who might unfollow me I don't care. I've left my feelings out in the open and that's enough to attract the sharks. If I do find a shark in my comments, I'll immediately block and delete your comment. 

Being authentic and honest led to my downfall, though what does that tell you about the people who dragged me there in the first place? I am to blame for some things, though I am not entirely to blame. Others played a part. I caused a wave, though am left with silence.