Modern Monsters

Nico the Moth

Female Reader x Nonbinary Monster

Looking in the mirror is hard, well, it was always hard before but now it's even worse. I had first felt the lump in my breast when I was just graduating college. I was stressed from exams and finals and all that bullshit stuff that seems to matter at the time. I wasn't until my breast started hurting so bad that I went to the doctor. The first exam felt normal and the doctor was very reassuring. It was the phone call that might as well have killed me. I was so young, I thought that it was impossible. Girls graduating and starting their lives didn't get cancer! I was wrong.

Cancer is merciless, it doesn't care who it attacks and takes. I just happened to be the next one on its dirty little list. The doctor gave me options but unfortunately, in my haste to pass and graduate I had waited far too long. I could go to chemo, but in that time that could risk it spreading to the other breast. The doctor said a mastectomy would be my best.

"Would you like to bring your parents or your boyfriend to discuss this?" The doctor asks.

I should have been insulted by that but my mind was a million miles elsewhere. I could risk everything or I could lose one thing. I decided to go for the mastectomy. I thought, for sure, it was the right decision. But the mirror makes you second guess everything.

"So, you're saying you wish you had gone to chemo now?" My friend, Erica, asks me. She's a bee and lovely too.

I sigh and shake my head. "No, but...what if you know?"

"You made the right call," Erica says. "If you had gone through with the chemo it still could have spread. You could be in a lot worse shape." Her wings twitch for a moment.

I touch my right breast, or well, where it used to be. Instead, there's a silicone lump tucked into my bra. "I keep thinking about what if and-"

"That's where you're hurting yourself," Erica interrupts me. "What if you did what if blah, blah blah. Focusing on that isn't going to make anything better or worse. Actually, it'll make things worse. You still have your life, your health is coming back. You're going to be great!"

I frown.

"And yeah, I know it's ugly. But you're alive and there are ways to fix it. You can get an implant, cover the scar with tattoos. You have options to look at."

I sigh and frown. "Yeah, I know."

Erica kisses my forehead. "Don't be pouty for the show tonight," she says. "We're going to have some drinks, some good food, and we're going to watch one of the best shows in town."

I smirk up at her. "A drag queen is the best show in town?"

"This isn't just any drag queen, this is Rosé Erable! She's amazing." Erica kisses my cheek and stands up. "I'll let you get some rest. I'll see you at seven!" She says as she leaves.

Rosé Erable was a local celebrity in these parts. He shows sold out before you even knew about them, so getting tickets was a miracle. Luckily, my Erica was a miracle worker. She somehow got the tickets to celebrate me having a clean bill of health. She had planned a whole evening that would hopefully help me forget my past stresses and look forward to the new ones. Or, so she said in her tongue and cheek way.

I had gotten a new outfit for the evening, but even that didn't do much to make me feel better. I had bought new makeup and everything and had done my face up as best I could. But standing there in my new dress, new shows, jewelry, fantastic makeup, I felt less than what I was. It was a breast. Just a breast! Why did it matter if it was gone? Why was I feeling like I was less than I was before? I shouldn't but I do. I wrap a soft cardigan around me, covering up the best part of my outfit and making me look as small as I felt.