SAVING LOVE:Book 1 of The Padmore Tower series

CHAPTER 60

MICHAEL

Michael...Mara's missing.

My mothers voice has been ringing in my mind. Nonstop.
Reminding me of the failure that I am. Everyday, it feels like we were no where near her. It's almost as if she's gone forever.

four fucking days. four agonizing days without my wife and only God knows what she's going through.

Laying down just staring at the ceiling. I don't know how long it's been. When I returned everything was falling apart for me. The reality of my wife being gone slowly and painfully sinked in.

I didn't know how to take it. I refused to believe.

in that matter of time I had slipped back in to old habits that I could just imagine Mara's scowl forming if she finds out about it.

This is not you.

But how else can I deal with it. I can't eat, I barely clean up. I've grown a stumble that I refuse to shave. All I've been doing is breaking everything in sight at the expense of my temper when the officers return with a vain report.
She's gone. And everything in our home reminds me of her. Of what I've lost.

Every night, when I close my eyes I see her. I hear her.  It's been a nightmare. I feel her soft hands caressing my face. Her manicured fingers running through my curls as she left a trail of kisses.
I could hear her beautiful yet ugly belly laughter.
Her smile that brightened up my world even when it's dark.

But it's all in my head.

when i open my eyes and stare at the covers on the bed, running my fingers loosely on her side of the bed. where she's supposed to be right now. laying next to me, her soft breaths and her sweet coconut smell.

it feels like a infinite time has suddenly gone by since i saw her face, since her heard her lavender voice, soothing the demons in its wake.

I'd give anything to have her—here with me.

The guilt—it's slowly creeping up on me. It's been devouring me up. I messed up from the beginning. But she was always here making sure I was okay—it was something, she is something I can never be. I didn't deserve her. She's too good for me. Her kindness, they way she genuinely cared. She loved with everything she had. and she loved me.

They say you never know the good of something—the value of someone until you've lost them.
And trust me, if I could eat up my heart I would. Just so the woman I love would come back to me. i'd give anything to feel her in my arms, her fingers making a mess of my hair, whike her soft lips caressed my skin.

my graceful love.

I've been listening to the voicemail she left me. The last time I heard her voice. that's what's been keeping me going.

"Hi, sweet boy !" Soft, lavender voice, trails off and my heart throbs in response.

"I'm so sorry i missed your calls. The girls agreed to bring me out today and i was so excited that i left my phone in the car.
I know we haven't spoken that much today. I understand you're busy. Nail down that proposal and come back to me. I miss you...a lot Michael. But you will have me all to yourself tonight and then we can catch up.
Take care of yourself, your little girl and i are fine. We miss you terribly and can't wait to see you-well I can't wait to see you.
I love you, please take are of yourself and come back to me soon. What am i forgetting?"

Her soft laughter rings through, and my heart sinks further.

"Hmm,
Oh i know...i love you most. My regards to Jesse.
Tons of kisses for you bubs ."