Forever My Soldier

Chapter 4

Time skip 2 months
This morning I woke up to a text from Natasha saying I am needed at the Tower. So sadly I shower and basically drag myself out of my apartment and head to the tower.

When I arrived I go to the main floor we always meet and hang out at.

"Hey Rogers you're alive!" Tony says.

I don't respond I just nod my head. Lately I haven't been getting much sleep because I have been trying to find Bucky still but I keep finding dead end leads. I am starting shut down more and more.

I don't want to be here longer than I have to be.
"Why am I needed here" I state firmly.

"We have intel on an abandoned Hydra base. The mission is tomorrow." Nat states as the rest of the teams files in.

I see Sam is here and I arch an eyebrow at him and he flicks his eyes over to Clint. I give the "is he the partner" look and he nods his head. I smile briefly.

"Alright then why am I here now instead of tomorrow?" I ask.

"We are worried about you Steve. I think you need to give up this obsession looking for Barnes. We don't know what he is like right now and honestly he is dangerous. If he is ever found I think he needs to be locked up since he is uncontrollable." She says.

I have my arms folded over torso and I am looking down at my shoes and begin to chuckle dryly.

"Something you wanna say Cap?" Tony asks.

"Yeah actually there is. Funny thing Natasha, weren't you part of the KGB the red room's best widow yet here you are in the free world. How do we know you are in control of yourself? You are dangerous and an assassin. You really wanna be talking about my best friend when YOU WERE OF A SOUND MIND KILLING PEOPLE! BUCKY WAS BRAINWASHED AND TURNED INTO A MINDLESS PUPPET FOR HYDRA! HE DIDN'T FUCKING ASK FOR THAT SHIT TO HAPPEN TO HIM. DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE SAY HE NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP WHEN I CAN SAY THAT SAME GODDAMN THING ABOUT YOU!" I say yelling at her shocking everyone.

"Yeah that is what I thought Natasha. Make sure your know your audience before you go and start bad mouthing the only family I have left. I will be here tomorrow at 8:00AM for this mission. Don't be fucking late or we leave without you." I say and walk out.

After Steve left everyone was still in shocked except for me.

"Way to go Nat. Just had to piss him off" I said.

"Oh come on you cannot seriously be on his side with finding Bucky and trying to help him." She says.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked.

"Bucky tried killing us! Are you forgetting that?" She asks.

"No I haven't but Steve is right about him deserving a chance when Bucky never asked for Hydra to through his brain in the blinder and be an assassin." I say.

"Natasha, I am sorry but Sam and Steve are right. You seem to be so high and mighty of yourself when you forget I was sent to kill you for all the shit you done for the red room and you had a conscious. Yet I decided to give you a chance and so did Fury. So how come Bucky doesn't deserve the same? Because he is better than you at being an assassin? And you are holding a grudge that you cannot let go? Grow up Natasha. No one deserves what has happened to Bucky. He is Steve's only family and part of his past so you best believe I will be helping Steve find him." Clint says.

The others stand there even more shocked that Clint spoke up to her.

"Right well, I am going to Steve's and make sure he's okay." I say and leave.

I quickly catch up to Clint and find him pacing.

"Hey, hey it's okay." I tell him getting him to stop pacing. He places his head on my chest.

"Sam I know he tried killing you but I know what it is like to be under someones control and not be able to get out of their commands." He says.

"I know baby. I know. Listen, I need you to come with me to Steve's please." I say.

"Yeah of course. Let's go!" Clint says.

When make our way towards Steve's. Once we get there I stop Clint real quick.

"Listen, when we are here, I want to introduce you as my boyfriend to Steve. He's my best friend and.."

"Sam, that is fine. I know Steve is important to you." He says cutting me off.

We make our way up to Steve's apartment. I knock and wait for him to answer.

"Hey man. Everything okay?" Steve asks.

"Uhh yeah. I uhh want to introduce you to my boyfriend. I know you have met already obviously but still" I say rambling on.

We get inside the apartment and sit down. As the evening went on, Steve opened up to Clint about the truth behind Bucky and why he wants to find him. He also gave us more stories and information about the two of them. Clint had a better understanding now of why he is obsessing on finding Bucky.

We ended up crashing at Steve's place and rode over to the tower together for the mission.

It has been another 2 months since I left Steve and more and more memories of him keep flooding in. I want to scream in pain every time I get a memory back. It hurts so bad and I cannot get it to stop.

I remember us confessing our love to each other at 16. I remember our first date, the laughs, Steve saving me the first time in the camp and him no longer being the skinny kid from Brooklyn. And so many more. Last night I sat in my usual spot watching Steve wanting to make sure he was okay.

I saw two other guys there with him talking. I gathered Sam and the other guy are dating and Steve told them why he wants to find me. I feel bad for stay away for this long but I just cannot bring myself to go over to him. However, I need to. I need him. As much as I want to push him away and say I am fine, I am not fine.

I need my Steve, my doll. I heard them talking about a mission so maybe I can come the day he gets back from the mission.

What if he doesn't want me? Will he be happy? Will he still want to date me even after I killed so many and done so many horrible things? Uhg I hate my mind and it's over thinking.

So I decided that I will go to Steve the day after he gets back. I need to stop running away and start running towards him.

"Steve, my doll, I am coming home. I may not be the old Bucky you fell in love with, but I hope you still love me" I say to myself.