Bucky. That's all Steve wanted and needed in his life. Before the war, during, and even after, all Steve wanted was his solider. His Bucky.
After the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. Steve kept trying to find Bucky to bring him home. Everyone was against this...
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Over the next couple of days, we have been working on finding Steph and creating a plan for this mission.
I visited Rebecca again to get more details but of course that didn't work. We ended up keeping her here in the compound in the same cell Loki was in.
Steve has tried fighting me some on being apart of this mission but I keep firm to him not joining. He keeps asking why but I won't give him a full answer.
At least not yet. However, that all is about to change today.
I am in the gym training clearing my mind from flashbacks I am getting. The nightmares are more vivid now that Shuri has sort of fixed my brain.
While I am working out, I hear the gym doors bust open hard and heavy footsteps coming my way.
I look up and see Steve coming straight for me. Before I can react, he grabs my arms and flips me over and under him.
"Tell me what you are hiding now James Buchanan." He says firmly.
"Steve no. I can't. It is best if you don't know." I tell him and fight back.
"Damn Bucky I don't care! Why—why can't you just tell me" he says with his voice cracking some.
"Doll...I...there plans for you make me sick. Physically sick. I know you worry a lot and if I don't tell you then you don't have to worry about that outcome." I say.
"And if you don't tell me I'll still worry for the worst. What's the worst that could possibly happen?!" He says with a louder voice.
"Steve..." I say as my voice cracks this time. Tears pool in my eyes thinking about their plans for him. For us.
"Baby please" he pleads.
I sigh hanging my head running my fingers through my hair.
"They want to turn you into the next winter soldier. Their plans for you are more brutal than I received from them. They want to capture you, torture you, turn you into a weapon, then have you kill me when you no longer remember me." I tell him as a tear runs down my cheek.
"How could not tell me this Bucky" Steve says upset.
"Because I wanted to protect you..." I tell him.
He just stands there shaking his head and turns around walking out.
I go over to the bench and sit down placing my head in my hands.
My head feels like it is running with a million what if's. I just wanted to protect him...
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I left not wanting to fight with him anymore. How could he keep this from me?
It is my life and he is trying to keep me from doing what I was made to do.
I go back into the common room and sit down and zone out letting my thoughts consume me.
I feel someone sit down on the couch and I look over and see Tony sitting there.
"What's on your mind Cap?" He asks.
"I finally got Bucky to tell me what he has been hiding," I say.
"And?" He asks.
"He told me hydra's plans for me. He kept it from me and he keeps telling me I am not going on this mission. I was literally made to do this Tony." I say getting mad.
"Yeah maybe so, but you finally have someone who can take care of you now. Plus Bucky is kind of right. Listen, I know you want to be the leader of the team and all this, but it is hydra. Bucky has experienced first hand how brutal they can be. If he is asking you to step down it's within good reason. Has he ever asked you to not do something like this?" Tony asked.
"No. Never." I say shaking my head.
"Then trust him. Steve you showed me some of the shit hydra did to him. If he is panicking and trying to save you from going through that too or even worse, you should count yourself lucky to have someone care so much about you like that. That will put their trauma and pain aside to make sure you don't suffer." He says.
"It is hard though Tony. I have been fighting hydra since the 40's." I say.
"Yeah but he has been fighting against them more than you have. I don't want that to sound bad but it is true. You were frozen for 70 years and he spent 70 years fighting them and being controlled by them. Stop thinking about this from just your perspective Steve. I know I have no room to talk because I am full of myself, but when it comes to Stephen I would do everything to protect him if I could." He says standing up. "Don't be so hard on him. He just loves you too much to see you go through any more pain."
Tony then walks out of the room leaving me with my thoughts.
After a few more minutes, I walk back to the gym and see Bucky isn't there anymore.
I look around for a little and find him by the pond.
I don't say anything and just sit down next to him.
We don't say anything for a while until I finally get tired of the silence.
"I know you want to protect me Bucky and I appreciate that. I really do." I say.
"I know there is a but coming." He mumbles.
"Yeah there is. But I am not going to sit out on this mission because of hydra's plans for me."
Bucky doesn't respond but I can see his fist and jaw clench. He lets out a sigh and shakes his head.
"I love you more than anything Steve, but I am tired of fighting. Even if it is a fight like this. You rarely let me take care of you and I don't understand why. I get you don't seeming weak in front of others but it is me. We have been in love with each other since we were 12 and 13 years old. And you still push me away when it comes to taking care of you unless we are physically intimate together. This is going to sound cold and harsh but I just don't care anymore. Go on the mission, don't go on the mission. I just don't have anymore fight in me anymore." He says standing up walking away from me.
Tears pool in my eyes watching him walk away.
Do I really only let him take care of me sexually and not any other way?...
