Forever My Soldier

Chapter 8

It has been about a month since I came to Steve and he let me stay. Things between him and I have been slow. We kiss from time to time and cuddle a lot. He hasn't been pushing me into anything more. He was serious about going at my pace. He often tells me he loves me and makes sure to show me he loves me by random kisses, telling me how much I mean to him, helping some with the nightmares I do tell him about, and just taking care of me.

While I have been here, there has been something he doesn't know about me. That secret has gotten me beat so many times I am afraid to speak of it.

And that secret is..I am a little. I use age regression to help cope with the trauma I have gone through in Hydra. It all started in Hydra. The pain and suffering became too much to handle and then my little side was created.

When Hydra first found out, they beat little bucky black and blue. He is completely terrified to come out now. However, here lately he has been trying to push out because Steve is giving off major daddy vibes. He is always making sure I eat enough, covers me up when I am cold and more. I think he is figuring out that I am a little.

He has caught me a couple times babbling, watching children cartoons, and whimpering when I am not close to him. That makes me sound weak. But for some reason, around him, I don't care to be weak. He always protects me.

Over the last couple of days I have been really closed off because little bucky keeps trying to push out.

Today will hopefully be a little bit better of a day, Steve is going on a mission so I can have the apartment to myself and regress when he is gone. Then little bucky won't have to be afraid. I will have to make sure I am out of headspace when he gets home so I don't get caught.

I can do this. I got this.

All I can say is I have loved having Bucky home. This past month has been amazing in my opinion. Even if Bucky has nightmares and flashbacks, he is still perfect to me.

I have noticed some child like tendencies out of him though. When I first started seeing them I figured it was because he is trying to learn everything new around the world. However, the more I saw them, I started doing some research.

I found out that age regression is a thing and happens when someone may face trauma. Well Bucky has faced LOTS of it. I kept reading and doing research. One thing I noticed about myself is I have picked up the roll of a care taker.

I make sure he is eating enough, is warm enough, is sleeping, and comfort him always. I probably shouldn't have but I talked to Sam about this to see if it was a normal thing. Apparently he instantly knew what I was talking about because some veterans he knows, uses it to help them.

I decided to keep watching over Bucky and could see him starting to fight the regression. He made him more snippy and short tempered. I want nothing more than to do whatever it takes to help Bucky. I would love to be his daddy.

Something that caught me by surprise is when I was reading and found people interact as DDLG/DDLB. Bucky does not need that. Yes when I became Captain America we may or may not have picked up on that kind of kink but it was rare when it happened. If I do this with Bucky I want it to be non-sexual when he is in head space.

Of course as our relationship is currently growing, if/when we speak about him regressing, we need to discuss having a very clear line between couple intimacy and his age regression.

Sadly today I have to leave for a mission. We found a Hydra base that suppose to be abandoned but we have been picking up on readings that it is activated again.
But my mind is occupied with Bucky.

"You good Cap?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. Just some things on my mind. But I'm okay." I tell him.

"How's he doing?" Sam whispers to me.

"Seems to be better. He keeps fighting the regression. I wish he would just do it and fall into headspace you know?" I ask.

"Maybe he needs that push. You've told me you want to step in and be the daddy/caregiver role for him. Maybe something in Hydra that makes him scared to regress? You never know." He says.

"Yeah you are probably right. It wouldn't surprise me if he regresses while I am gone and tries pulling out of it before I get back" I say chuckling softly.

"Wouldn't surprise me either. Most veterans who are in this life style have spoken about how at first it was hard for them to show it to someone because they thought it was a weakness and well you know how stubborn vets are." He says.

"Yes, I do. I know that very well because I am one of them." I say causing him to laugh.

"Exactly. So now your bestfriend/boyfriend since your alls childhood has always been tough as well, how hard do you think it is for him to show this weakness?" Sam asks.

I just nod my head understanding. Maybe I should just bring it up to him?

Soon we reach the base and file out of the jet. Thankfully no one was in the base when we got there. So as we were walking out I light the place up.

"Steve you can't keep doing this." Natasha says.

I whip around and look at her. And the others.

"You know, you are the only one who seems to have a problem with my blow bases up. What does it matter to you? I thought you wanted Hydra gone and blowing the bases it doing that. Unless you have something you wanna share with us?" I ask firmly.

"No. I don't." She says

"Good." I say walking into the jet.

Once we get back to the compound I grab my shit to leave and go home to Bucky. The team has tried getting me to interact more but I am not interested right now. They are not my concern. Bucky is.

By the time I get back to the apartment it's about 11pm and I hear the tv on softly. As I walk in I see Buck curled up in my hoodie with the tv on and he is sound asleep.

I walk over to him and lightly wake him up.

"Bucky, baby, I am home." I say softly.

He starts whimpering and groaning.

When he looks at me his eyes light up.

"Daddy you're home." His eyes widen and he begins to panic.

I gently pull him up and into my lap wrapping the blanket around him.

"Yes baby, daddy is home." I say kissing the side of his head. "It's okay baby, regress. I have you. I promise nothing will happen to you." I tell him.

"Mmm daddy" he mumbles curling into my neck falling asleep.

I pick us up after 10 minutes and take us into my room. I lay him down on the bed and cover him up. I quickly go take a shower and make sure it is warm that way my body is warm against his to keep him warm.

I quietly go back into the room and slip into bed pulling him into me holding him as close as I can. I make sure the blanket is tucked around his body. Once I know he is okay, I slip into a deep slumber.