Bucky. That's all Steve wanted and needed in his life. Before the war, during, and even after, all Steve wanted was his solider. His Bucky.
After the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. Steve kept trying to find Bucky to bring him home. Everyone was against this...
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It is now 3:30am. I have only gotten four hours of sleep. I roll over and see Steve resting. He looks so cute and breath taking. Looking over his features I find myself getting a fluttering feeling.
I don't know what it is about him but he makes me want to submit and I was never like that before until he grew into Cap. Don't get my wrong but I love my little pre-serum stevie. Just, ever since then, he has stepped up and always taken care of me since then. Well at least the best he could.
As I lay here looking at him, he starts whimpering.
"Bucky. Bucky! Bucky NO" he says getting louder and louder.
The train...he's dreaming about my falling.
"Steve. Doll wake up. Please wake up." I say shaking him.
I lean over and start kissing him all over the face.
"Steve, wake up. I'm here. I'm here. Please wake up." I repeat to him.
After a few more minutes of that, he finally wakes up. He has tears running down his face. He looks into my eyes and lets out a sob pulling me into his chest. He holds me as close as he possibly can.
"Baby I am so sorry I couldn't catch you. I promised to always protect you as my best friend and as the love of my life. And I seem to have let you down as both." He say crying still.
"Steve I shouldn't have yelled at you like that earlier. It was not you fault okay? It was Hydra's not yours. There are so many things I need to tell you. I am sorry it took me so long to open up to you. But Stevie, I'm scared if I tell you, it is going to make you run away then I would lose you forever and I can't do that. Not again when I just got you." I tell him stroking the side of the face.
"Baby, there is nothing you can do that will drive me away. You could literally rip my heart out and break me, and I would still love you more than anything in this world" he says leaning in to kiss me.
"You mean that?" I ask.
"More than anything." He whispers. "Since we are up now, how about we have that talk? I can make us some hot chocolate, turn on the electric fireplace, and we can curl up on the coach and talk baby." He tells me pushing the hair out of my face.
"Yeah, that sounds perfect." I tell him.
We get out of bed and he goes into the kitchen to make the hot chocolate. I grab his blanket because the smell of him brings me comfort. He has a hint of vanilla mixed in with cinnamon. I also used to joke around calling him my cinnamon roll.
I am brought out of my thoughts when Steve sits down next to me and turns himself towards me. I was leaning again the arm of the couch facing him with my legs tucked up under the blanket.
He hands me the mug and I pull it close.
"So I am just going to sit here and let you go at your own pace okay? If this gets too hard for you to talk about we can end the conversation and just cuddle okay? I'm here baby." He say to me sweetly.
See. 100% cinnamon roll.
"Okay um well, after I fell off the train, I woke up and clearly I was shocked but I was also very dizzy. I saw figures coming near me and thought it was you honestly. Anyways, as they were dragging me I was going in and out. I eventually woke up as they were getting ready to start the surgery on my arm. After that, they started the winter soldier program training. It took 15 years to fully break me. I kept trying to fight so hard and remember you Stevie. I tried. Once they broke me, they started wiping me more and throwing me into the cyro freeze. They pretty much only pulled me out when they needed me to do their dirty work. Anyways, I ended up getting out of control alot so they had to use an safeword for themselves so I wouldn't kill them all. I ended up in the red room for a while training the widows. Natalia ended up coming back to Hydra with me for a while. I uhh, was woken up one time, and they wiped me and programmed me for a mission. It destroyed me and still haunts me. Anyways, yeah I was basically their puppet/weapon. I killed so many people, woman, and children. I became a mindless monster." I finish crying at this point.
Steve sat his mug down and pulled me into his lap holding me tight.
"Baby, I still choose you. You are who I want. You are my baby, my soulmate, and my bucky" he whispers against my head.
"Steve, I'm not the same Bucky you fell in love with. After everything I have been through I am not that same person." I mutter to him.
He grabs my face and lifts it up looking me in the eyes.
"Bucky, you are simply Bucky to me. No matter what version you are. From the time we confessed our love to each other, I promised I would forever love you until the end of the line. No matter what happens. I am not expecting you to be that Bucky. I want the Bucky that is sitting here in my lap curled into me. I want to love you, marry you someday, and grow old with you. Baby it has always been you." He says and pulls me into a soft kiss.
I couldn't help but melt into it. We pull apart and he moves some hair behind my ear.
"Just say yes. Say yes to being with me baby. I will give you all the love you deserve and more." He says kissing my nose.
"You really want me? Trauma, and all?" I asked.
"I'd marry you right now if I could." He whispers.
"Really?" I ask.
"Mmm oh yes. To stand across from you, holding your hands, declaring my love for you. Making it my mission to make you happy the rest of your life. Treat you like the king that you are. To come home to you every time I leave for a mission. To wake up next to you, and end my nights with you. Oh and best of all, don't even get me started on smothering you with all the cuddles and kisses I'd give you. Plus that nice gentle sweet sweet lovin'." He finishes kissing all over my face.
"You know what. Let's do it" I say looking at him smiling.
"You serious?" He asks sitting up a little more looking at me.
"Yes. Steve we are both clearly perfect examples of not knowing what could happen to us at any moment. I may not be the Bucky from the 40's but my love for you is stronger than it's ever been. Times are different now. Steve you are always doing stuff other people want. But have you done anything for yourself? What is something that you really want to do and don't give a fuck what people say?" I ask.
"Marrying you." He say without hesitation.
"Then let's do it." I say smiling like an idiot.
"Alright baby. Let's go get married" he says picking me up, grabbing his stuff and walking us out the door.
