Forever My Soldier

Chapter 23

One week later
Steve has hardly came out of his room. He's not talking, sleeping, or eating. I don't know what to do.

Every time I go in there, Steve is just curled up in Bucky's hoodie and staring at the wall.

Today I decided to give Fury a call.

"Fury" he says.

"Hey, it's Sam. Have you been able to get things cleared up for Steve?" I asked.

"Yes. Just finished this morning. No one knows Barnes was around that night or at all. I explained and showed that Steve has been on missions tracking down Hydra since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. They accepted that and aren't looking to press charges or some bullshit like that. They think he's out on a mission right now with you, so it's a good thing I had you all take that jet." He says.

"I'm glad it's all cleared up now." I reply.

"How's he doing now?" Fury asked.

"It's not looking good. He hasn't left the room. Still isn't eating, sleeping, or talking. I don't know what to do at this point." I sigh out.

"Just don't give up. He needs you now more than ever. I'm gathering some intel and may have a mission here soon. It may be best to get back home and get him busy so he's distracted"

"Yeah that may work. I have one more thing I'm going to try today. Keep me posted on the possible mission" I say before hanging up.

I go over to the desk that's in my room and grab what I need before heading to Steve's. I hope this works.

It hurts. It physically and emotionally hurts not having Bucky here with me.

I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't talk because all I'll do is cry. I've laid in this bed for a week and just stare at the wall. The only thing on my mind is Bucky.

The way he would light me up every time he came into the room. Or how he would curl himself up into me wanting warmth and comfort.

As I keep thinking about my sweet husband, I hear a knock on the door. I know it's Sam. He's been trying to get me to do anything this past week but I just can't. I keep laying here as he walks over to me and crouches down by the side of the bed in front of me.

"Hey man, I was told to give you this when I thought you'd really need it, and after trying everything possible to get you out of the room, I know it's now time to give you this." He says handing me an envelope.

I just stare at it and look up at him. He nods his head, gets up and leaves the room.

I hear the door shut but I'm still looking at the envelope. When I flip it over I see Bucky's hand writing on it.

I push myself up so I am sitting up on the bed. I take a deep breath and begin to open it.

Dear Stevie,
If you are reading this, that means Sam has grown tired of your stubborn sad ass and can't get you to do anything.
And now you are probably surprised I called you out on your shit without being there to know what you've done. But you forget that I know you very very well.

Stevie, I know you are hurting. So that's why I decided to write this letter. Right now as I am writing it, you are laying next to me snoring up a freaking storm. My gosh how I ever get sleep I'll never know.

You look so perfect right now. Laying on your stomach, sprawled out. Your hair is everywhere, your perfect pink plump lips are slightly parted and it looks like you got a little drool coming out the corner of your mouth.

You dreaming about me hot stuff?? Okay anyways back to the point of this letter, it is okay to be sad. I know you probably held yourself together the best you could until I was under then you lost it. I want you to know it's okay to cry. If the tables were turned, I would probably be a wreck too.

But Steve I need you to fight with me please. I need you to keep going forward and getting rid of hydra while I'm gone. I need you to take care of yourself. I need you to eat, sleep, shower, talk, laugh, hang out with your friends. Please. I promise when I get out of here I will take care of you.

I also need you to stop blaming yourself. I know you are probably thinking, if I'd only caught him, or protected him better, or whatever else your mind is making up. It is not your fault Steve! Every day I regret ever yelling at you that morning in the kitchen blaming you because I know neither of us had control over that.

Don't let this situation be what causes you to completely lose yourself. You are so strong, brave, and driven. You are always encouraging me and telling me how good of a man I am even after everything I've done. Now it's my turn to do it for you. This isn't the end for us doll. We both know we will be back to each other when Shuri finishes the procedure.

So, I kindly yet firmly say, get your fine American ass up, and fight. Fight like never before. I don't care what it takes. Do it. Avenge me by taking hydra down. But try not to do anything too stupid, since I'll be stuck here and you'll be taking it all with you. If I wake up and find out you were reckless I'll be scolding your ass then love on you afterwards!!

Okay now I'm just rambling at this point. Don't give up. I love you more than anything in this world and would do anything for you. Which is clearly why I'm going back under. You can do this baby. Wear my dog tags with pride knowing I'm with you every step of the way.

I love you so much my dear sweet sexy husband. I can't wait to hold you and kiss you again.

-much love, your loving husband.
P.S. the boxers you are wearing right now as you lay next to me make your ass look so delicious. Cant wait to bite it and claim it again ;) xoxo

After I finish reading the letter I can help but chuckle and smile. He knows me so well and I couldn't picture anyone else having the title as my husband.

"Come on Steve. Do this for Bucky. He'd kick your ass so hard if he saw you right now. Do it for us." I say out loud to myself.

I fold the letter up and get myself out of bed. My legs are stiff so I have to move slow and stretch them out some. The first thing I do is go and take a hot shower.

Once I get cleaned up and refreshed, I get dressed and make my way out the door. I walk around heading to the dining hall to get something to eat. As I walk in I see Sam, Clint, and T'Challa sitting there eating.
They look up at me and smile.

"Well I see he finally talked some sense into you" Sam says.

I chuckle and shake my head.
"Yeah he did. He knows me well. Too well maybe. Called me out on my shit spot on. I just..I guess I just needed time to finally let go and feel everything. Over the week I realized this was the first week since I got out of the ice that I've had absolutely nothing to do. It's always Captain do this or Captain we need you to do that. It almost feels like the world sees me as an object and not a human. And it's sad that it took my husband going under the ice to finally get a break and let myself feel everything I've been feeling since they took me out of the ice." I say venting while shrugging my shoulders.

"So now would probably be a bad time that to tell you that Fury has some small under the radar missions for me you and Clint?" Sam says.

I laugh at him and shake my head. "No it's fine. I think I could use the distraction." I say.

I lean forward and start grabbing some food and putting it on my plate then begin to eat. It feels good to be up and functioning.

Now it's time to take down Hydra. This fuckers won't know what hit them when I show up.