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Chapter 53

Chapter 53

Hardest slap

"That bitch! She's getting into my nerves! God! Akala mo kung sinong mahinhin, 'yun naman pala she's a big war freak!" Jazz said in a mad tone. She flinched her lips and her right hand formed into a clenching fist. Galit na galit talaga siya. We're here at the front of IFFT bldg, sitting in the waiting shed at wala gaanong mga estudyante dahil may klase pa.

"Yza, bakit ka ba kasi nag-bar na mag-isa? Why you didn't contact us so that we can come with you? Iyan tuloy ang nadali mo." Si Faye na hinihilot ang kanyang sintido. They are more looked stress than me. Well hindi ko sila masisisi, kung ako ang nasa kinatatayuan nila ay baka magiging ganyan din ako.

"I just want to give time for myself! Have fun, and get drunk. Not that! I didn't expect that it'd be happened. Ang gusto ko lang ay mag enjoy." I explained. They squinted their eyes at me like I've done something wrong. What? Why they're giving me that kind of stare?

"Get drunk? Why?" Jazz asked me as she crossed her arms on her chest. She even raised her left brow at me. Nag iwas ako ng tingin dahilan para malipat ang tingin ko kay Faye. Faye's expression were just like Jazz, at wala akong magawa kundi ang umiwas. Damn!

"Is it because of him?" Dagdag pa niya, hindi ako kumibo. Kahit hindi niya sabihin ay alam ko kung sino ang tinutukoy niya. I twitch my bottom lip as I tore my gaze at them.

"Look, you don't have to keep it from us, Yz... we all know that you still not get over him, halata sa mga galaw mo. When they came back... I mean, when he came back, you were acting so strange." Napatitig ako kay Faye at bahagya pang napaawang ang labi ko. My heart hammered my chest. Faye held my hand na nakapatong sa mesa. Pumungay ang kanyang mga mata.

"Nakikita namin Yza. Hindi mo nahahalata dahil sarili mo yan but me? Us? Nakikita naming hindi mo parin siya nakakalimutan. We saw how stared at him. We saw how you became mindless sometimes and last is we saw how you tried act like you didn't care but it turns out failed." Bawat salitang binibitawan ni Faye ay parang kinukurot ang puso ko. Her words hits me with so much impact in my chest and it made me realized again for nth time that I was the one who's fooling myself. I'm such a fool! I'm a fool at hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi padin ako natututo? I always tell to myself to stop hoping and just move on but why the hell I can't? Bakit? Pakiramdam ko ang bobo ko, puso lang pero hindi napapasunod ng utak ko! But then I realized that wala talaga akong maitatago sa mga kaibagan ko, that I've been transparent since then even though I tried not to show it. Akala ko naloloko ko sila sa mga pinapakita but nagkamali ako. Ako ang nanloloko ng sarili ko. This is craziness and pang ilang beses ko na ba itong sinasabi sa sarili ko, twice? Thrice? I think its more than that.

"Ginawa ko naman lahat eh, pinilit kong kalimutan at tanggaping wala na talaga kaming pag-asa pero hindi parin eh, bumabagsak parin ako ng paulit-ulit. Lagi ko namang pinapasok sa kokote ko na hindi na maibabalik 'yung dati pero bakit ang hirap? And---" Tumigil ako dahil nakaramdam ako na may namumuong bukol sa aking lalamunan. Nahirapan akong magsalita dahil narin sa bigat ng dibdib ko. Huminga muna ako ng malalim para muling makabawi bago nagpatuloy.

"He's making this so hard for me dahil hindi ko siya maintindihan. He begged me to stop from hoping him to come back but---"

"What? Did I heard it right? Siya ang naki-usap na tumigil ka na sa kaka-asa sa kanya?" Tumango ako kay Jazz.

"Ha! Kapal ng mukha ah? Siya pa talaga ang naki-usap, just wow!" Siniko siya ni Faye dahilan para matigil siya. Tumango si Faye sa akin para sabihing magpatuloy ako.

"But when I decided to move on for real? Saka siya naging magulo, last night he looks like a mad ape nang makita niya akong may kasayaw na lalaki! He looks like he's concerned about me and he looks like a jealous boyfriend. I really can't understand him, god!" Sabi ko at hinilamos ang mukha ko gamit ang aking palad at pinasadahan ko rin aking buhok ng aking mga daliri. Nakaka-frustrate. I took a lungful breathe at marahang pumikit and the memories, scenes and the imgaes of Enzo last night flashed in my mind. I also remembered Lara's face of how wild and angry she was. How she slapped me in so many times. How she dragged my hair and how she crashed her nails on my skin that have caused leaving some marks in my arms. Remembering those memories last night makes my blood boiled into the highest boiling point. Nangangati ang mga kamay ko na gumanti pero pilit kong pinipigilan. But if she will do that again to me? Swear, I would not think twice to crash her face on the cactus stem. Huwag niya akong masugod-sugod ulit dahil makikita niya talaga kung sino ang binangga niya. Sa mga naiisip ko ngayon ay unti-unti ring naisalalrawan ko sa aking isipan na ninunudnod ko ang mukha nila sa puno ng cactus na puno ng tinik. Ans yeah, it makes me feel better imagining about it.