undo// 5SOS

12

Michael

It was probably about 11pm when there was a heavy knock on my door, then Maya opened it and made her way over to my bed, climbing under the covers. She hadn't joined us for tea, and instead ate it in her room, where she stayed for a while.

She buried her head in my chest, then burst into tears.

"I'm a failure,"

"You're not a failure,"

"Yes I am. I wanna go to school but I'm a failure,"

"I know for sure that is not true,"

"It is," she shouted, which I chose not to argue back with because it would just go back and forth.

I turned my lamp on and wrapped my arm round her, kissing the top of her head, and moving the hair out of her face that was stuck to her tears. Her cheeks were bright red, and she had clearly cried already before she came to me.

"What's made you think of all this?"

"It's just been a bad day,"

"It has seemed like it ay?"

"I hope tomorrow is better,"

"I hope so too. We will do lots of fun things,"

"I'm sorry,"

"You don't need to be one bit sorry," I said, kissing the top of her head again, "I love you so much, and you are definitely not a failure,"

"Mum and dad said it,"

"Well they've never been right about one thing! They told me to become a lawyer, can you imagine?"

"No," she sniffed, "But they know me more than you know me,"

"I don't feel like they do. I don't think they understand you as a person at all!"

"They said it a lot,"

"You're not a failure at all. You've had some setbacks, and barriers, but you're still here giving everything a second shot and that makes you the opposite,"

"Do you really not judge me for dropping out of school and having all this other shit happen? I don't believe it,"

"You're 18, it's not our call. I do believe finishing school would be really good, but that's your call, not mine,"

"I wish I lived with you forever,"

Without tears this time, she put her head back to my chest, so I kept hugging her as it seemed to make her feel better.

My heart broke a little when she said that, because if I had known about this all sooner I most definitely would've taken her in- I couldn't beat myself up though, it would do no good.

"What if we went and visited some schools? Just to see what they were like? We don't have to commit to anything,"

"Okay,"

"I'll figure it all out. You are more than capable of finishing school, and I will give you all the help I can. We have plenty of resources, and libraries,"

"I love you,"

"I love you too. Go and have a good nights sleep,"

She climbed back off the bed and wiped her eyes again, before making her way back downstairs.

I could take a pretty good guess at what made her so stressed about going to school, but I didn't want past experiences to stop her moving forward. I was her 'responsible and trustworthy adult' to go to, so I would make sure she was doing the best things for herself.