undo// 5SOS

47

Maya

"Oh you have news to spill, classic, ten minutes before the end,"

"No I don't,"

"Yes you do," Sancha said, "I can read your face by now,"

"So there's maybe a boy,"

"Oh Maya,"

I giggled and she shook her head with a small smile.

I really liked Sancha. She'd known me about 2 and a half years, and was the therapist mum and dad first sent me to. It was just out of town, no one knew we were going, kinda thing.

If I could choose one person in the world to trust, it would be Sancha. She was honest with me. She was kind. She spoke to me like a person when sometimes other people hadn't.

The first person I opened up to about my struggles with eating was Sancha. When I went to hospital my first visitor was Sancha, to do her job but, I counted it as a visit.

She didn't make my problems seem stupid, and she just got what it was like to be a teenager. When I had lost contact with her it really sucked, but she only contacted us through my parents, and once my parents didn't want to pay for her then that was that.

"Who is this boy?"

"Finn,"

"I need a bit more,"

"My new friend from school,"

"Right...,"

"I know what you're gonna say,"

"What am I gonna say?"

"That we've spoken about this loads. How when I'm experiencing a low I try and fill the gaps with boys,"

"Little less professional that how I would have said it but you have the gist. But that also doesn't mean every relationship is to do that,"

"Well that's confusing,"

"Yep," she smiled, "You have matured a lot since we first had those conversations though. You need to consider context,"

"I guess. Did I used to annoy you when I came in every week with a new boyfriend?"

"You don't annoy me,"

"Okay. Well, I know things haven't been the greatest right now but I am really happy around my friends, and like, I feel a bit better," I said, staring at my hands, "But I don't wanna ruin it because I've not had friends in so long,"

"What has made you overthink this particular situation? Usually you do not seem so uptight about potential dates,"

"Ellen said he liked me and I had to decide if I liked him so she could steer him away and avoid disappointment,"

"Ah... well you are allowed to not like someone, and not feel bad that it disappoints them,"

"Okay,"

"I see she probably has good intentions! But you don't need to decide anything. In fact, in this situation maybe going with the flow would work... develop the friendship, see if anything happens,"

"I'm not in a rush,"

"No. You're not,"

"He's really nice, I just know my track record. It's really hard starting this new life, and putting the past me behind. It's hard to think about me being successful and loved,"

"You love to drop a bombshell at the end, even after all this time,"

"Sorry,"

"You deserve success. You deserve to be loved. To me, the fact you are aware of your past behaviours, is a good sign. I can't make any choices for you but if you wanna give it a shot then you can tell me all about it next week. And I am writing down that last point. You're not escaping that,"