undo// 5SOS

41

Maya

"What's happened? Your nurses button went off a bunch of times and I just saw security," Luke asked.

"Mum,"

"What?"

"Mum,"

"I can't... your voice is almost gone. Type it out,"

Mum

"Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit,"

"Stop,"

"What?"

Stop
:(

"Sorry.'Are you okay? What can I do to help?"

No

I let out a choked sob, which was loud, and hoarse, and far too dramatic for my own liking.

"I know this is really stressful, but I need you to try and stay cool and collected so that you don't make yourself feel any worse,"

I nodded, my lip starting to tremble.

She just slipped in, escorted by a staff member, and just sat, looking at me. I had slapped her hand away, and ignored her.

Then she told me I was a bitch, so she was still pretty standard.

"Michael's gone. Um," he said, pulling the chair closer to the bed, "I'm gonna make sure security stick around,"

"He's gone?"

"What?"

I slammed my phone down and put my head in my hands, starting to cry. It really hurt my throat and chest.

"Maya, I'm here to talk to,"

I shook my head and pulled the matching  bracelet off my wrist, throwing it across the floor.

"Hey now... he was really upset. I think he didn't want you to see and get worried,"

"I want Michael,"

"Please write, I am really struggling,"

"I. Want. Michael,"

"He will come back when he is ready," Luke said, "I can see if Joy can come and give you company?"

I shook my head again and laid back, crying even more.

Whether I was more mad at mum for coming, or Michael for leaving, was really hard to figure out.

I knew Michael got upset but mum was targeting me. And I needed him. And I could help him too but Calum was his favourite and would always be his favourite so now I was left behind.

Luke was nice. But he wasn't Michael.

I guessed that's how Michael saw me.

Maya's nice. She's gone through shit an she's still decent enough. I'm her older brother
But she isn't Calum.

I'll never be fucking Calum.

"Type it out. Type it all out even if it's just for you,"

"No. That's stupid,"

"Or um... erm. Crap I just, I dunno what to do Maya,"

I just wanna be alone

"I'm not leaving you alone," he said, starting to fuss over my blankets and pillows, "I will page Calum because he is out best chance of finding Michael,"

"Of course,"

"Then I will get some more security, and do the chest scan to see if you can go home. If not, we will have to find you a room and make you all comfy in there,"

I wanna go home now.

"I know,"

I'm leaving

"Maya, I would strongly advise you to stay,"

Can I move in with you

"Don't be silly. You're always welcome to hang out but you need to live at home,"

It's not home. Michael's favourite is Calum.

"He doesn't have favourites," he said, picking up my bracelet, "They both love you a lot. Michael just likes to hide his emotions from most people, and we have to respect that that's how he works,"

I just wanna be alone

"Nope. We need to get going in a moment anyway,"

He washed his hands and out gloves in, then took out my drip and cleaned my hand so he could tape the area more. He took my temperature again, then sat by my bed and waited with me, occasionally drying my eyes.

Luke was too kind to me. He was too generous, and patient.

When Michael and Calum came back, he instantly offered his seat up, then made sure Michael was okay like he had to me.

I was grateful Luke was still in my life.

"How are you doing?"

I turned my back to Michael and shut my eyes, huffing.

"I'm sorry,"

I snatched my phone and went back onto notes, typing out what?. Then Luke had to explain it to him and I covered my head with a blanket, squeezing my eyes shut.

This all felt like a bad dream.

"I'm sorry, that I left. I know I should've stayed but I just got in such a state... please forgive me,"

However, sorry was not a word I was used to hearing.
Well I was, but it was always out of my own mouth.
I wasn't used to hearing it out someones else's mouth.

I uncovered my face, but stayed turned away, shrugging.

"I wanted to control my own emotions before I came to you because I knew you'd be safe with Luke. I was just overwhelmed... I'm still working on my own anxiety,"

So I am a burden?

"No. Not at all,"

I just wanna be alone

"We've gotta get you up for a scan anyway, why don't you talk to Michael when you're back? I think he needs time off work to look after you,"

Luke took the brakes off my bed and pulled the sides of my bed up, Michael squeezing my hand before we left; I didn't look, but I did squeeze it back.

We didn't have any notes conversation on the way, and I had no energy to even get myself onto the machine, nevermind argue about anything.
It was small, and too loud.

Everything was too much of something at the moment.

"I think we need to get you home," Luke said, "Your scans look okay,"

"It's. Not. Home," I said slowly, gritting my teeth, "Not,"

"Yes it is. I know it's upset you, and I understand why. You're allowed to be upset... but he is apologising and recognising where he went wrong, and if you never gave anyone a chance to turn things around then I guarantee you'd be even more miserable than you are now,"