the mechanic and the jedi [english edition]

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"The council gave me a mission", I answered her evasively. I didn't want to lie to her but neither did I want her to know about Montross. Something told me she would be furious if I told her about it.
With raised eyebrows she eyed me skeptically. She was already about to take her hand off my chest but I was faster and held it there.
"I'm fine, Ahsoka. The question is how are you? You almost died", the concern in my voice didn't escape Ahsoka but I didn't care. It was okay for her to know that I was worried.
"It wasn't that bad. I'm fine", with indignation I would have loved to jump out of bed but instead I just braced myself up on my elbows. And promptly winced in pain.
Again Ahsoka had worry written all over her face but this time I didn't let her push me down.
"You almost died, Ahsoka! And I wouldn't have even known about it if Obi-Wan hadn't come to me! You would have died and there was nothing I could have done about it!", the frustration brewing in my chest seemed to want to overwhelm me but I held back as Ahsoka lowered her eyes thoughtfully.
"You can't save everyone, Skywalker", she explained quietly but firmly as she looked at me now.
"The Council appointed you as an advisor?", she now changed the subject. Surprised by the sudden change of subject I let myself sink back into my pillow.
"More like a better man for the dirty work, but yes", I snorted indignantly, "in the end I'm only here because of you."
Surprised, she jerked her head up and looked at me with widened eyes.
"Why because of me?", she whispered, dumbfounded.
My hand, which still held hers on my chest, moved up to her chin. Gently, as if she might slip away again at any moment I pulled her down to me.
We were so close now that our breaths mingled. Still, she didn't pull away from me so I mustered all my courage.
"Because you can't get rid of me now, Snips", I whispered against her lips before I closed the distance between us.
Her lips were as soft and sweet as I remembered. But never did I think I would react so violently when she actually returned the kiss. Like a drowning man, I pulled her closer to me to deepen the kiss.
My hand wandered over her hip. Before I could really enjoy the kiss she pulled away from me leaving nothing but disappointment. I would have preferred to never stop kissing her.
But now, as she backed away from me, shaking her head and looking horrified it seemed to break my heart.
The longing to pull her to me again was so great that I reached out a hand for her but she was beyond my reach.
"I...", she shook her head and from one moment to the next she closed herself off from me", such bonds are not allowed me as a jedi. You should find someone else."
Without another word she left the room leaving me more vulnerable than I would have ever allowed. Had she actually broken my heart?
One thing was clear to me, though: Ahsoka had spoiled me for all other women in this whole damn galaxy. I wanted no one else but her.