the mechanic and the jedi [english edition]

"I would never hurt you..."

At the house I checked Anakin's injuries again but fortunately the bandages looked good. His weakness must indeed have been caused by the lack of rest. 
His parents and Owen worked on the farm as he had told me. Thus we were alone here. 
The first of the two suns was already setting.
At nightfall I would disappear from this dust ball.
I had lost nothing here and above all I should not bring his family further in danger. 
At this moment I was looking for a cloth with which I could clean Anakin's injuries once again. Suddenly he raised a hand in his mind and let a cloth float over to me from the kitchen counter. As soon as I held it in my hand Anakin looked as stunned as I was. Anyway I pretended to be surprised. 
"You... you can feel it can't you?", I asked cautiously as I concentrated on cleaning the cut on his eyebrow. 
"I...", he looked down at the ground and seemed to be searching for words.
"I don't know how to describe it.... it feels alive and powerful. Like I can shape it and do whatever I want with it. But at the same time, it seems uncontrollable as soon as I lose my composure...", he looked at me with honest eyes but I had to struggle to keep a neutral expression. His description almost confirmed my assumption that he was not working with the Sith. Still he was closer to the dark side than I would have liked. 
"You should try to focus better. On the living force you feel inside you", I tried to explain to him. Nevertheless I had to pull myself together not to give one of Obi-Wan's instructive sayings to the best. This would have unmasked me immediately as a jedi. 
"How do you know about this? It doesn't seem to be new to you?", I didn't like the distrust in his voice at all.... though it was justified after all, he thought I was a bounty hunter. 
"My sister... she's like you. She always had problems with not letting her feelings guide her. One time she lost control so much that she threw a knife at me during an argument," I showed him a scar on my upper arm. One scar of many that I had taken with me from the war. This scar would perhaps convince him of my lie.
In fact he seemed to believe me and regretfully stroked the scarred skin of my upper arm with a finger. 
The touch sent a pleasant shiver down my spine. 
My heart pounded to my throat as he looked me in the eye. 
"I would never hurt you, Ahsoka", he whispered in a serious voice.
At that moment I realized how close we were. I was sitting next to him on the small sofa in the living room of the house. My knee was pressed against his thigh and my face was so close to his that our breaths mingled. 
Before I could even form a clear thought Anakin had lifted his hand and placed it on the back of my neck to pull me toward him. 
Lips pressed hard against mine and before I knew it I heard myself gasp with desire. 
All the time I had been with Anakin I had tried to ignore the tension between us but now I realized all too clearly how much I had wanted this. Even though feelings like this were forbidden for a jedi. Before I knew it I was sitting astride his lap Anakin's hands stroking my waist possessively. He pulled me closer breaking the kiss only to breathe feather-light kisses on my neck. I closed my eyes to concentrate fully on his touch. 
At that exact moment it hit me like a blow. 
I was a jedi.
Such bonds were forbidden to me.
I was to leave him. 
That was the plan!
Then why was I here kissing him?!
As if I had burned myself on him I pushed him away from me and wriggled out of his arms. Breathing heavily I now stood in front of him and had to look just as shocked as he looked at me. I already turned around so that I could leave the house but looked once more at Anakin. No word wanted to leave my mouth to justify the rejection somehow. After all I couldn't tell him the real reason.
And so I turned and left the house.

The cool desert wind of the night swirled the sand in front of me as I enjoyed the last rays of the second setting sun on my face. 
I had been thinking, collecting myself, and thinking everything through thoroughly. It was about time. I had wasted enough time, now I had to return to my old life and become myself again. 
As he approached from behind I kept reminding myself that I was not Ahsoka the bounty hunter.