Know I love you

48. Time out

TW - House fire

I lay at the door holding onto my side the pain pulses through my nerves that run in my hip, There's no sign of Mum and I can't hear her I try to shout out but there's no sign of her ever being here. I try to get up but fall down multiple times before I hold my weight against the wall when my knuckle falls through the weak wall, the white paint is a cream and starts to drip, I fall back down and my hip slams against the wooden floor again.

A bang comes from upstairs and I try to crawl towards the stairs but my hip drags and the pain is bad, I roll over onto my back and lay there staring at the ceiling that feels like it's gonna drop onto me.

At this moment

I'm wishing it will

I drag myself to the kitchen and stand up leaning against the table holding all of my weight, I try to find the Harley keys and I do underneath millions of bills, I wobble outside and get on the bike I start the engine and drive off towards the beach which is a 40 minute ride. When I get there It's dark and the air is sweet and cool, I walk to the shore slowly and stand there and marvel at the waves crashing.

It's beautiful

But yet so dangerous

It's like me

A reflection

Yet the ocean has a much simpler past

Than mine

I stand there for minutes there is no one here and I'm alone with the most dangerous thing.

Myself

I strip to my undies and bra, I stumble towards the shore and the water is refreshing against my skin I go in deeper until I'm up to my chest. I take a deep breath and go under the water fills my ears and they start to ring I hold myself underneath as bubbles come out of my nose. My breath starts to break and I'm losing it but I hold myself under for as long as I can, My lungs feel like they are going to explode when I lift myself up again when I reach the surface I gasp for air but there's none left and I go under again.

I try to reach up again and again when I finally do and my breath goes back into its rhythm, My hair is soaking against my back and the water is dark and looming.

Is this how she felt?

God this fucking sucks

I'm sorry Alice

I'm sorry for leaving you

For letting my alcohol addiction get in the way of you're own protection

I'm so fucking sorry

I really am

I get to shore when I see someone standing by my bike, They are tall and muscular and they are leaning against my bike looking straight at me. I stumble towards them when I see their face properly, Their blonde hair brushes against the wind and a black eye is painted on their left eye.

Mason Maddox

His eyes meet mine and they roam my body as the waves crash behind us, He places himself right in front of me and his warmth against my cold skin is comforting, He grabs me by the hips and our noses touch I can feel his heartbeat and I can hear his breath. He moves one hand up to my head and holds me close and his lips start to meet mine, His kisses are begging me for everything again.