you can hear it in the silence

chapter eleven

**tw**
mention of anxiety, panic attacks, abuse and alcoholism
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Adare ༉‧₊˚✧.*

I love the moment right before you wake up.
Where everything's foggy, you don't know where you're at or who you even are.

Where everything's okay.

I barely crack open my eyes and can now feel that I'm sitting on the floor on my dorm.

Weird.

When it all comes flooding back to my memory.

Holy fuck I had a panic attack.

Holy fuck my mom's been dead for three years.

And holy fuck Wes' dad abused him.

I always knew his dad was a heavier drinker and was kinda absent but I never, ever would have though that he would've ever put a hand on Wes.

Not only did I have a panic attack, but Wes saw.

Actually, he pulled me out of it.

I don't know how the hell he knew the ice water trick, but I'm so glad he did.

It was terrifying.

I'm thinking back to all the things that me and Wes talked about last night when I'm suddenly hyperaware of where I'm at.

Me and Wes are stilling sitting back on the wall, he still has his eyes shut asleep and I'm slightly leaned over to him.

My head isn't on his shoulder or anything, but my head is leaned up against the wall towards him, and I can slightly feel his black shirt on the top of his shoulder grazing my cheek.

I feel Wes start to stir, and we both start to actually wake up.

I can see the realization that we fell asleep on my dorm floor in his eyes as he's remembering last night too.

"I don't remember falling asleep," I say.

He takes a deep breath in, "yeah me either, yesterday's kinda blurry."

I know that he remembers everything.

He's just saying that because it's better for both of us if we don't don't talk about what happened.

We both obviously have some baggage that we don't want to talk about.

Even though he also told me some really messed up things, I'm positive that he's really saying that yesterday is a little foggy for my sake.

He reaches over for his phone before his eyes pop open. "Oh fuck I'm supposed to be at practice in ten minutes."

He starts getting up and grabbing his bag.

I don't really know what to say. There's so much unspoken things going on right now.

As he's putting his bag on, he stands up puts one hand in his grey sweatpants pocket to pull out his keys and I just blurt out, "hey, about last night I really don't.." but he cuts me off immediately.

He gives a slight smile that is definitely forced.

"We don't have to talk about it Adare, we don't ever have to talk about it."

I swallow, relieved and nod my head in agreement and exhale a breath.

I know I give Wes a lot of shit, and he's an annoying asshole, but I don't think he would ever use this against me.
He's just not that type of person.

༉‧₊˚✧.*
thanks for reading!
what's your favorite book ever? i would have to say little women or turtles all the way down but for ~lighter~ books 10000% better than the movies!!