you can hear it in the silence

chapter twenty-four

Adare ༉‧₊˚✧.*

Roadside assistance finally showed up and we were able to make it back to campus.

When we pulled up to my dorm, Wes helped me bring in my bags and once we set down my last bag, I accidentally made the mistake of asking if he needed help bringing any bags to his dorm.

I forgot that when we left, his mom still wasn't back and he was still locked out of his house.

"Have you tried calling her?" I ask.
He exhales and runs his hands through his hair, "yeah, I've called, texted, asking where she was and I got a thumbs up emoji, so I guess that means she alive?" He says in a question tone.

Gosh, I really feel bad for him.

I mean you're fucking drunk dad abuses you for years and your mom just basically runs out on you too?

I sit down on my bed and with my hands in my lap, I fumble with my fingers.

"I hate that she treats you this way."
He gulps, but doesn't say anything.

"She doesn't treat me anyway," he kinda laughs.

"Exactly Wes, she just leaves. I mean what about you? You're just supposed to sit back and take it? Just deal?" I say quickly because the more I talk about it, the more it pisses me off.

How could you just leave your son? Right when things get hard.

I'm not saying she should still be with his dad, but what the fuck, at least check on your son.

He takes a breath in and runs his hand through his hair until they're rested on the back of his neck.

"There's nothing I can do about it Wellsy, sometimes you don't get dealt the best cards."

I swallow, and we don't say anything, and the silence is killing me.

"Will you at least sit down?" I quickly say which prompts him to sit against the wall on my bed, looking at me.

We just sit, looking at the walls ahead of us and there's so much being said in the silence.

I bite my lip before finally saying, "you deserve a lot better than this, Wes. I mean, fuck, how long has this been going on? Does she just up and leave everything when things get hard?"

He exhale and bites the side of his cheek.

"I mean pretty much, I don't blame her, my dad's a fucking idiot."
"Yeah I'm not not saying that, he's awful, but you had to live with that whenever she ran off Wes. That's not fair."

What breaks my heart even more is that he literally doesn't even look hurt. He's so used to this that it's just normal to him.

"It's not her fault," he says softly.
"Yeah and it's not yours either Wes."

He lays down beside me and we're both turned on our side facing each other.

He has a stupid grin on his face and for what reason, I don't know.

"You care about me," he says in a 'I told you so' type of voice.

I just roll my eyes.

"Of course I care about you, Wes. You're an asshole and I really can't stand you most of the time, but yeah dude, I care about you."

He smiles and leans into me. "Call me another name, it turns me on," he says right before pressing his lips into mine.

I roll my eyes right before he kisses me and then I suddenly forget about everything.

Just him. Just me and him.

He's so gentle, slowly working his mouth against mine and moving one of his hand from my cheek, down my neck, to my shoulder, down my arm and then resting at my side.

I think I got goosebumps everywhere he touched me.

When we finally break the kiss, my eyes feel heavy and I don't open them for a second.

When I do I see his dark messy hair and his eyes looking at me.

"Does this change things?" He asks softly, almost a whisper, but his deep voice kinda makes it not a whisper.

I inhale and when I do, I inhale his scent.
"I don't know right now," I shake my head. "I like kissing you."

"I like kissing you too."

He just keeps looking at me.
"So then let's just keep it at that, Wellsy. No labels, just this."

I nod my head. And silently thank the heavens for him not making a huge deal about this.

But then my mind starts again, like it always does.

"Wait but," I start. "Not in public, okay? I don't need you to be dating other people and then kissing me and that's just a recipe for disaster okay? I don't want to look like an idiot."

"Wow you really do have way with words Wellsy."

I roll my eyes. "You know what I mean."

"No I actually don't," he huffs out a laugh and scrunches his brows. "You tell me I deserve better and then you want me to treat you like some side chick that I can only be with whenever I'm not with 'whoever I'm dating.' I mean what the hell Wellsy have some respect for yourself," he pauses and I lick my lips.

"You would let someone treat you like that?" He asks softly.

"No," I say back defensively. "Not just anyone, but I trust you okay?" I say softly.

Because I do. If it was anyone else, it wouldn't be okay at all, but Wes wouldn't try and hurt me.

Wes

"I'm not ready for anything right now, okay? There isn't going to be anything between us so I get it if you want to like... explore your options," she drifts off into a laugh.

Does she really think that low of me that I've got to always be with a girl?

That this in itself isn't enough?

If I only got to makeout with Adare for the rest of my life, and do literally nothing else, I would be happy.

Fuck, I'd be happy to just be around her.

Honestly I think I would feel better if she was joking about all of this.

But she's so serious.

I mean why doesn't she think this enough?
She's so genuine in telling me that I can be with other girls and that's really messed up because how is she so okay with being discarded like that?

Even if I wanted to see other girls, I literally couldn't.

I've been waiting for Adare for so long and now that I've kissed her, no way in hell could I ever go back to anyone else.

But, since I have no clue where her head's at, I'll just agree with her to "date other people" because I don't want to freak her out.

༉‧₊˚✧.*
thanks for reading!