you can hear it in the silence

chapter twenty

Adare ༉‧₊˚✧.*

It's finally fall break and I'm so happy to have a week off.
I can't wait to see my dad.

Before I left campus, I ran into Ameeriah and we went to get lunch.

I really enjoy hanging out with her and I actually feel very comfortable around her which isn't very common for me.

I wouldn't say she's outgoing or loud, but she's bubbly and like this little glimmer of sunshine in a person.

The car ride home was stressful, but I made it and that's all that matters.

"Hey dad," I say as I walk into the kitchen.

Nothings changed.
And that puts a smile to my face.

"Honey! I'm so glad your home," my dad exclaims while pulling me in for a bear hug.
"Tell me everything!"

So I do.

I've talked to him on the phone but it's just not the same as being with him.

I tell him about my classes, the campus, the dining hall, how dorm life is, and everything else I can think of..leaving out the whole Jordan fiasco.

We talk and talk and talk and then make some dinner together while tv plays in the back.

I've missed this.
Just the simplicity of home and how comforting it is.

We sit down at the table to eat the pasta we just made and I can't help but look over to my mom's empty chair.

My dad must notice because he says, "I really miss her."

I exhale and with sad eyes I look at him, "me too dad, so much."

"I know she would have loved to see you in college, Adare. She would be so proud of you. For everything. I'm so proud of you."

I bite back tears but despite my best efforts, they trickle out. "I really wish she was here," I say lowly.

"I know sweetie."

We clean up after dinner and watch some tv before my dad heads to bed.

Going up the stairs it feels like I never even left.
The floorboards still creak going up, the wall paint is slightly chipped and when I turn to my left, my height recorded in small black ink along the walls are still here.

I exhale and walk into my room and jump into my bed.

The floral sheets wrap around my cold body and I inhale the freshly washed scent.

I toss and turn for what feels like hours and still can't dose off.

Too much thinking about right now.

How I was supposed to come home from college for the first time to my dad and mom and tell them about everything and then go to another room and tell my mom all of the gossip I've overheard.

We were supposed to watch a stupid, cheesy romcom after my dad fell asleep and make cupcakes in the middle of the night.

Supposed to supposed to supposed to.

I miss her so much.
It hurts so bad.

Before I realize I'm crying, I taste my salty tears and then get up to wipe them.

There's no way I'm going back to sleep right now, so I get up and grab my keys.

I just need to talk to her.

I sneak out as quietly as I can and put my car in drive to head to the cemetery.

The car ride over I put Taylor Swift on shuffle and the first song that comes on is Marjorie.

What a wonderful way to add salt into the wound.

When I finally make my way up to her grave stone, I just start bawling.

It's nearly midnight and it's so quiet.

All that's repeating in my head are the lyrics to Marjorie.

"You're alive you're alive in my head..I should've ask you questions, I should've asked you how to be.. asked you to write it down for me, should've kept every grocery store receipt cause every scrapt of you would be taken from me....watched as you signed your name Marjorie..."

༉‧₊˚✧.*
thanks for reading <3