you can hear it in the silence

chapter thirty-four

Adare ༉‧₊˚✧.*

Walking home, I can't help but feel so much guilt.

I really feel bad because the last thing I wanted to do was break up with Wes, but until I get my priorities in order, there's no way I can be with him.

My dad is all alone, and if Wes is the one distracting me from being present, then I had to end it. For now at least.

I'm always a week ahead of my work, so I decide to just take a week off of classes and go visit my dad.

Packing up a few things, I hit the rode within twenty minutes. I decide against texting my dad so that I can surprise him.

I listen to Tswift the entire way home and after the long two and half hour drive, more like three and a half because of how slow I drive, I finally make it to the drive away.

Looking at the outside of the house, once so filled with life and love and family.

The sound of my mom and dad laughing in the kitchen making dinner as I was sitting in the living room doing homework, with the sound of a tv show playing.

It's tiny little moments like that you don't realize how much you could ever possibly miss until it's gone.

It's like, when I look back on my life, it's warmth, it's golden, it's comfort.

And now it's icy blue, not on purpose though.

Walking up to the steps, the whole neighborhood is decorated for Halloween.

I can hear the distant laugher of the neighbor's kids playing outside. It's a reminder that no matter what is going on in my life, especially in my head, people are still moving.

People are living and loving and growing and experiencing the mundanity of marking your height with a pencil on a door frame.

Experiencing the magic of childhood that they won't realize is magical until it's gone.

Opening the door, I hear my dad say, "hello?"

When I peak my head into the kitchen, he's heating up some food and when he turns, his face lights up. He's got a scraggly beard, like he hasn't shaved in a while.

I smile, "hey dad."

"Honey! What are you doing here?" He says as he forgets about his food in the microwave to give me a hug.

"I missed you," I say.
He exhales, "I've missed you too honey. I miss everything."

When we break the hug, he says, "you want to make something? Let's cook some dinner."

I smile softly, "yeah, dad, I would like that."

He turns when I quickly add, "But what about your food?" I say, pointing to the microwave.

He opens it and picks up the bowl. "Oh this crap? It's probably freezer burnt anyways."

We decide on making taco soup, something mom used to make every Halloween.

We turn on Hocus Pocus, and the sounds of one of my favorite movies fills the room.

Me and dad chat while we're cutting up vegetables and stirring the soup.

I exhale, "dad I'm sorry for not calling the past couple of weeks. I've just been so caught up in, everything, and I.." But he interrupts.

"Adare I know, honey, I know. I know that you're growing up and it's just, this is all a little weird for me," he pauses. "You know I knew that by the time you were at college I would be a mess that you weren't home anymore, but I always figured that once that moment came, me and your mom would be a mess together." He exhales, and gives me a sincere smile. "Life just changed so fast."