cursed⭐︎ᵐⁱⁿˢᵘⁿᵍ

fourteen

A week had already passed, every single day being the same as the precedent. My routine was boring. School, work, going out with Bbama, sleep. 

My brother was too busy. He was barely at home, always hanging out with who knows. Or maybe he was actually working. I didn't know, he never communicated with me. He didn't even find out about Bbama.

One random day I was scrolling on my phone and a specific post caught my eye. It was something about child neglect.

And whatever that article was saying fit me.

That was when something inside of me twisted. I never considered my brother's absence as neglect. Neither did I deem my parents' death as one.

What can I say, not everyone gets to be lucky. 

My grades weren't the best even though I was trying. My mental health? Absolute shit. My sibling, of course, refused to get me the help every single human deserves. No one should ever feel like his.

Everyone deserves to be happy.

I and Felix got closer— we always hung out during breaks. Chan and Changbin usually stayed with us too, they are really nice and approachable.

Hyunjin was more like a classmate to me, we got along well but he was always busy with being a professional dancer. Seungmin often helped me with school, he was remarkably clever and explained it better than the teachers.

And Minho? We goofed off around a lot. We were closer than before, I felt more comfortable around him now and things weren't as awkward.

"Shit!" I cursed as I accidentally bumped into a wall.
The interaction didn't hurt me at all—it wasn't painful—but it did disturb me.

I guess I was too much in my thoughts. I sighed, grabbing the books that were now laying flat on the ground. I hope no one saw that.

"Hey, are you alright?" a soothing voice said.

Of course. "I think I'm fine," I lied. "thank you..Jeongin?"

He smiled at me and looked around before running away which I found strange.

Turning around, I noticed that my next class was about to start soon, meaning I should get going unless I wanted to be late.

I put the books in my locker, grabbing the right ones instead. One more class and I can finally go home.

The music classroom wasn't far away but I still springed to it and stopped right in front of the door to catch my breath.

Without knocking, I entered the room full of musical instrumentals, such as a piano, many guitars and even a harp.

Even though it wasn't my first time being here, this room never failed to amaze me. It gave me a feeling of comfort, I felt like I could spend days here without getting bored.

The teacher was being late, meaning I could repeat a bit more.

I took out my notes and the paper with the lyrics on it. I looked up at Hyunjin, who was already coming to me.

"Are you ready?" he said.

"I think so. I repeated all night.. are you..?"

He nodded and then the teacher entered the classroom.

"As you already know I assigned you a project, so today I will be listening to the songs you worked on with your partner." the professor spoke before sitting at her desk.

First, two girls sang. Their voices harmonized together as they hit a high note.

Everyone applauded.

One more group until mine and Hyunjins turn. Anxiety was building up inside me, eating me up. I swallowed nothing, trying to get over this well-known feeling.

"They're good."

Before I could answer, the teacher called us. It was our turn. Now.

You'll be fine, Jisung. I tried to comfort myself, to calm down. It didn't work.

"What did you two prepare?"

"It's called Slump. If I have to be honest, Jisung composed it. He did most of the work." Hyunjin spoke up, smiling.

"Then we will be more than happy to hear it."

My partner and I exchanged glimpses as we started singing it.

"where you going?"
"It's hard to keep up"
"You're moving so fast leaving me behind"
"give me an hour, that's all I need"
„it's now or never, I'm running out of time"

"so many thoughts are inside of my head, I'm always drying these tears on my face"
"how could I ever get used to the fact that the song and the lyrics, they all sound the same"
„'Come on, I know you can do it I have to repeat it again and again, I wanna look in the mirror"

"telling myself that I did a good job"

"Everyone's gonna be watching"
"I gotta show 'em all of me"
"But I've been insecure lately, cause I don't know what they want from me"
"Feeling so nervous I wanna go forward but everyone else overtaking me, blocking my vision my body is shaking, I don't know if I can keep up.."

I beautifully rapped the lyrics with my eyes closed, paying attention to not only my voice but also my flow.

For a moment, there was silence. Complete silence. I wasn't sure if I imagined that or if it actually happened, but I couldn't hear anything.

Honestly, it was kind of frightening. What if everyone was judging us? No, me, I wrote this song. Why am I so dumb? I should've written a happy song.

Maybe a rap one— though it was too late now.

When I opened my eyes everyone was smiling brightly at me and my partner, excitingly applauding.

And it made me feel happy.