cursed⭐︎ᵐⁱⁿˢᵘⁿᵍ

forty nine

I woke up in the afternoon because of the torrential rain that had occurred over the city.

As much as I hated thunderstorms I couldn't help but feel at ease whenever the comforting repetitive droplets falling down on my window could be heard.

The clouds were mirroring my mood, practically telling me I wasn't alone. Or that's how the atmosphere made me feel.

Today was special. Not because of the weather, not because it was Friday— which I really enjoyed before.

But because of Minho. Oh, how much I have missed him. I practically couldn't wait to engulf him in a long-lasting hug, protecting him from everyone.

For the very first time in my life, I wanted time to pass faster. It was such a pity that I couldn't celebrate my nineteenth birthday anymore but it wasn't going to be fun without my best friend anyways.

Surely, I could invite the other guys— was it going to be the same, though?

No.

I already made up my mind, I was just going along with the plan.

The plan I had made weeks ago.

I got out of bed just to fall back down almost instantly. Dizziness is what I felt in the prior weeks though I endured it well.

The schedule of the train showed that the last departure was going to be at 10:04 PM, which was in a few hours.

I want to leave.

8:40 PM

I put on the last clean hoodie I had, matching it with some black jeans I haven't worn in maybe months.

There wasn't any remained force in me nor I cared enough to make myself look good, so I put on the hood, hiding myself in the darkness of its shadow.

There was a serene silence, excluding the raindrops that were slowly wetting the concrete.

The world was so cruel yet Minho made me realize it was beautiful as well, I was thankful to him. So, so grateful that I would have given up on everything for the boy.

But he had already given up on his dream and died, all for me.

Because of me.

Minho confessed that he was slightly scared of the dark; just like me. And so he had told me that if we were to be stuck in a room at night he wouldn't be frightened.

At first, I didn't understand what he meant by that. Until he mentioned it again a while after— more precise.

'Jisung, you're light itself. Sometimes you're so bright I can't even look at you.' he had said.

A single salty tear shed down my cheeks, quickly being replaced by a wet drop. My eyes were blurry and the fog was worsening the situation— I was blinded by the water inside my eyes.

It was chilly. I only noticed the coolness when my teeth started chattering.

It has to be around nine now, I thought as I entered the familiar park. This place was where I saw him for the last time but for the first time too.

This place held back good and cheerful memories that were now replaced by painful and miserable ones.

I looked away in despair trying to forget the unfortunate events, now looking for our tree.

Regardless of how much I looked for it, the tree was gone. Someone must have cut it already since it was really old.

Oh..

I went into the empty playground and sat down on the swing. I rocked back and forth in order to sway, I have always liked that feeling.

The feeling of freedom, it felt like flying. I wanted to touch the clouds and be one of the stars. I felt like that way I could finally rest.

Now focusing on the present I realized that I was unsure of the location of its station so there was no way to tell at what time the train could be passing by me.

But it was going to be anytime now; the time showed almost ten o'clock.

I jumped from the swing, stumbling a bit as I landed on my feet. The wind was messing with my hair, flying it in every direction. Nonetheless, I didn't care.

It didn't matter anymore, nothing did.

I walked over to the tracks, right onto the dangerous part. Where my parents had warned me to never cross on.

'It's hazardous' they cautioned.

I didn't know the direction of the train so I walked in front, following the brightest star, not planning to stop.

The storm was evolving and my soaked clothes were glued to my skin which irritated me. I grabbed my headphones and put them on, blasting some music.

That way I wasn't going to hear the train come by.

How comfortable this silence was. I was all alone, out in the wild, late at night. Each further step I was taking led me to my death and I knew it.

The rough wind caused the raindrops to fall directly onto my face and the freezing air didn't do much good either.

But I couldn't stop. I continued on walking even though I felt like giving up.

The train was taking forever, I was getting bored which I found amusing.

I felt crazy. How could I find such situation comic? What was wrong with me?

That didn't concern me anymore. What was important was the fact that I'll soon reunite with my family and soulmate.

A subtle but strong feeling of fear washed over me as a chill went down my spine. I tried to find comfort in telling myself that it was just going to hurt for a split second and then I was going to forever be happy.

I'll be in paradise.

"It's coming." I sadly told myself with a small smile as I sensed the fast auto vehicle right behind me, making me grip the envelope tighter. The letter never once left my mind nor my hand.

I regretted it. Everything I've done in this unfair life, especially this. I predicted it was going to hurt— and hell, it did.

The impact of the train was unbearable, incredibly painful yet the hole, the emptiness inside of me was way more agonizing.

Maybe, just maybe, all the effort to get better was useless. Happiness isn't meant to last.

This was my fate, this had to happen. It was written in the oh-so-lovely stars I admired so much.

Right, the stars.

They were like salt against the night sky, like someone spilled the shaker against a very dark cloth. It mattered to me, they were significant.

And they were the last thing I saw before the train ruined my body.

It wrecked me. Every single part of my wounded body. That's how I was going to die: on the cold, wet grass.

Tragic, isn't it?

I felt everything. How my skull was basically crushed by the hard metal and how my whole body was dragged under it.

The human mind can be conscious for a few more minutes after death.

I had to endure just some more time until I could go back to being happy. I was so excited and optimistic, I wanted to scream.

Not for help, I didn't need it— it was too late. I was finally free now, no worries anymore.

It's cold, my body is freezing. Either way, it doesn't matter, right? Because I got rid of the thing that was bugging me the most. I reversed it, finally!

I am no longer cursed.