cursed⭐︎ᵐⁱⁿˢᵘⁿᵍ

forty six

His absence was devouring me.

Ever since he, they, deceased I seemed to have tuned out the rest of the world. I couldn't remember the sound of my own voice, I looked unrecognizable in the mirror and my reflection was a stranger, a ghost. We moved in harmony at the same frequency yet I had no idea who I really was.

I was all alone.

My eyes hurt from how much I cried these past few days. It was the fifth day and I had to meet with his mother, she said she wanted to give me something.

I put on a hoodie— the one he gave me. It didn't smell like him anymore and that tore my heart into little pieces.

The time showed half past four. I tied my shoelaces and exited the place I could never call home again.

I walked. My legs hurt but I walked and walked. He was hurting too.

What pained me the most was the fact that he had a dream. I didn't. He wanted to be someone, he wanted to save lives and he ended up saving mine.

He was the best person I have ever met— if I had a wish it would be for him to come back.

I knocked on the wooden door and his mother opened up almost immediately.

"Hello, Mrs Lee." I said, bowing.

"Jisung, please come inside."

She led me to their kitchen where the table was set. She cooked and it smelled so good. The woman gave me a portion of rice with some salad, steak and water.

His mother looked good yet she had a horse voice and she was clearly aching. I mean, her son just died, of course she isn't in the right state of mind.

"Thank you, miss."

"It's the least I can do. My son was very happy with you. I don't know what you two were but he always talked about you, Jisung." she began saying.

What's that sound?
The sound of my heart that was meant to be broken.

"Eat up and we'll talk later."

I ate her newly made food. It was so tasty— it had a nice texture as well. Minho's mother was a blessing. I felt bad for her.

After the food finished I followed her into the living room. The walls were painted a soft brown, and there were large windows that let in plenty of natural light.

The floors were made of hardwood, complimented by a nice surfaced grey in the centre of the room. There was a large, comfortable couch against the wall, with soft, fluffy pillows and a cozy blanket draped over the back.

In front of the couch there was placed a wooden coffee table, with a stack of books and a vase of fresh flowers. Red roses.

On the opposite wall stood a large, flat-screen television, with a soundbar and a collection of DVDs and video games, probably Minho's.

Also the bookshelf filled with books, picture frames, and other decorative items that caught my eye.

We sat down on the grey couch that was facing the TV and talked.

"He told me everything about you. From what you like to what you dislike, from your favourite animal to your favourite school subjects. He always talked about you, my dear."

And I thought it couldn't get worse than that.

It would've been better if his mother didn't tell me that.

"He wanted to give you this." she spoke as she handed me an envelope.

"There's something inside. You can read the note later."

I opened the present and took out the object inside. It was a beautiful necklace with a crescent moon.

"Thank you..so much.." I said, trying my best not to cry.

"Don't thank me." she sighed then got up and pointed to a white door with tiny stickers scattered around, beautifully decorating it.

"That's his room. His cats are inside. You can go in if you'd like to."

I got up and looked at the ceiling, hiding my tears. I was about to knock out of habit although I knew nobody would be on the other side to open up.

His room smelled like him. The bed was right to the left, his cats were sleeping on it. Soonie and Doongie— I got them right this time.

Are you proud of me, Min?

All three felines were cuddling with each other, soothing the pain as they were wondering where their beloved owner went.

I sat down beside them, unsure if I should read the letter he had written me. I was scared.

But it was important so I took the paper out of its shell and began looking over it.

To Sung,

For the very first in my life the rain disappeared, the lighting stopped and the thundering quieted. The sun came out, brighter than ever. All because of you.
When I think about you I feel like I have another reason to live, you give me strength. I would've never thought I'd get here, thanks to you. I believe that soulmates aren't just lovers.
When I was younger I was captivated by shooting stars. Holding their luminescence and observing them from afar. Now a star streaked into the night catching me in awe, turning my darkness into light. I realized that my wish had come true, the star that I was always looking for was you only, Jisung.
I truly hope to be a good brother to you, I wish we could try out every single thing together. Let's have fun.
How about we go on another beach date?
My heart is slowly shifting in your direction and I'm scared that you'll fall and I won't be able to catch you.
Please continue to be my soulmate and do not become a stranger.

Your twin flame, Lee Minho.

My eyes were welled with hot tears. Even though emptiness had arrived long ago, it remained inside of me— it felt like a prison with no escape.

I was the destination of grief. My sobs of distraught would even make thunder in a storm apologize.

That's how bad it was.

I curled into a ball trying not to wet the paper and a black, dull hole swallowed me. The cats came and sat beside my crying body, trying to ease my pain.

Oh and how much I loved Minho yet I couldn't acknowledge it until the last moment. Surely, I always respected him as an elder and as my best friend, I appreciated everything he had done for me.

What is love?

He had said once, when we were walking on the beach that our hearts were linked. His words replayed in my head day and night ever since— I completely agreed with him.

Is that the right definition for that word that has so much meaning behind it?

Furrowing my eyebrows I remembered why all of this happened.

It was his fault. He was the reason I was left all alone. I hated him so much and regretted my past actions since I was partly at fault too, I basically had led him to his death.

Whose fault was it, really?

I sat up from his bed with black sheets and walked to the mirror that was facing it. I took the jewellery and put it around my neck. It was really beautiful.

It happened because of my dumb self.

Now focusing on the item, I began wondering why did he choose this exact chain.

I grabbed my phone and looked up the meaning of the crescent moon.

"New beginnings."