Chapter 36 Hannahs thoughts

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I lay on my couch watching the fire pop and crackle. My head spinned with what just happened. I honestly didn't even know what just happened. One minute I was so angry with Lilly. The next I just wanted to both her Delilah in ways I never knew another woman could want a woman. It was amazing the way they touched me. I felt like for the first time in a long time....I was alive. Like I was actually feeling for the first time. Like everything I've ever understood about feelings were a lie.

I still was mad at Hannah. If anything what happened confirmed to me I'm just something to make her life as a maid better. I have no doubt it's a hard life. Heck I knew what it was like to have no title no money no support from our king or even my family. I could not fault her for making her life livable. I understood now...Delilah was just a fuck buddy. Although it's something I could never do....I would not judge her for it. After all it happened before I met her and she did include me in it...but where did it leave us ?

Again I was question it like "we" were an option. Like we could ever in our society be together. I loved the way she touched me and awakened my soul....but it was not a life. There was no security in it.

A knock at the door caused me to leave the spot if been for hours. I was still foggy and my thoughts full of confusion. I forgot to check if I was decent. Opening the door my thoughts cleared quickly as I looked upon William's face. Pulling my robe tighter around me I quickly fixed my messy hair. "William im so sorry I expected the maid."

He glanced at me with a shy smile. "Do not hide your natural beauty. You have nothing to be ashamed of my bride."

My heart sank at his words

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My heart sank at his words. I was his bride. His bride that just slept with two other women. His bride im sure he was unaware of that slept with men for money. I suddenly felt like a fraud. I'd asked around about William. He was the 2nd in command for the king. William was an excellent student, best swordsman in his class, could hit a bullseye from a mile away, bright, funny a gentleman. Why on earth would someone like me...tainted and corrupt be able to be with him ?

"What has you down ?" He asks clearly seeing my mood shift.

"Um...nothing. " I shake my head. "Would you like to warm yourself by the fireplace you look frozen."

"I would do no such thing." William stated. "I wouldn't do anything to disrespect your reputation." I laughed unable to hold it in. He perked up at the sound and amusement plastered his face. "I am a gentleman."

"I don't doubt you." I sighed.

"Then what do you doubt ?" His question threw me off. I wasn't sure what to say. "My dear I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. I knew I could not live a day without you. I am beyond humbled your wish the same of me. You have nothing to doubt."

"You know not what you wish for." I said my gaze hitting the floor unable to look in his eye.

He paused a long time. "You do not remember me do you." I glanced to him puzzled. He searched my eyes looking for an answer he must have received because his face softened. "I am one of the knights that collected your belongings from the brothel. I protected your carriage on your journey back to the castle." My eyes grew wide. He must have been In full armor because I did not remember him. But it was clear he knew about my past. And yet wanted me as a bride ?

"So...you know...everything about my time there?" I asked.

"Yes." He said with a reassuring smile.

"And....you still asked for my hand?" I said slowly.

He took my hand in his which I did not resist. His hands were cold and rough. "In a heartbeat I would a thousand times over."

"Why?" I asked stunned.

He paused again for a long moment. "My mother became pregnant out of wedlock due to a rich nobleman giving her empty promises. He never claimed me. He never sent money and he never wrote. she was forced to become a lady of the night in order to provide for me. She...worked hard to be able to get me into the kings Guard. Gave everything for me to rise to the position I am. You remind me a great deal of her....I more then anyone know how hard it is for a women to earn her place alone in this world."

I took in every one of his words bewildered at how kind and authentic he was. Clearly nothing like the other men at court. "You understand I didn't have a choice."

"Exactly." He smiled. "I will never allow for you to not have a choice again."

"William....I do not know what to say." I blushed.

"You already said yes that's all you need to say." He laughed. "I merely came to tell you the king is sending me off to investigate something for him. I shall be back in a weeks time."

A heavy feeling fell over me. I had only just began to understand him and now he would be gone all week. "You'll be back for Christmas ?"

"Of course." He leaned down and kissed my hand. "I promise you I will be here for the festivities."

"Okay....be careful." I said squeezing his hand before allowing him to let go. He backed away from my door eyeing me the entire length of the hallway. He blew one final kiss and disappeared.
I stood staring after him letting every sweet word hang in the air not wanting the moment to be over.

Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. It was Lilly. She had obviously been there for a while. I wondered how much of the conversation she had heard. I wasn't ready to see her after what had happened so I just quietly backed in my room closing the door behind me.

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