The funhouse of murder • Stray Kids X reader

43 ☠️

North-West: Chan & Y/N

"You dislike me, don't you?" I blurted out. We hadn't even been gone for too long, but the silence was excruciating. Chan was still obviously in a bad mood, yet insistant on not letting it get to others. Not that it worked though, as it was evident. He wasn't very good at hiding his emotions, that was clear. And yet he paused right after I said it out loud. "Or maybe not me particularly, I hope, but the idea of me. Someone you don't know, who is clearly at disadvantage simply for being a girl, as I'm a risk around the others due to unpredictability... am I right?"

This time it was the silence that simply was enough to acknowledge my thoughts, making me continue. "You know, I overheard you and Changbin actually, back at the safe room... I know you're wary of me, and I know that it may seem like I've been training for these specific things. I don't think I can tell you the real reason for all these things, but just, please don't judge a book simply by it's cover okay? Just like you all probably do I have my own reasons, have my own things I need to work through, and my own experiences in which I learned things. I won't ask you yours, so please don't think too badly about mine either okay?"

I double tapped his shoulder, slowly getting off his back. "Come on, let's get going if we want to find anything." I already started walking, leaving Chan behind who stood still. It was slightly embarrassing to say it out loud, but I couldn't let Chan compromise it all just because of me. "It's not like I don't like you specifically," Chan answered hesitantly. Not very convincing, but he himself was probably looking for words too. "It's just... how do I say this without sounding like a complete asshole..." I finally stopped in my tracks, turning back to face him again.

"I'm worried that because of you the group is going to lose it's harmony," he seemed to conclude it for himself. "Back when we were still training, everyone pretty much seemed to be on the same line with things. We knew each other's weaknesses and strengths well, and eventually learned on how to deal with situations with the 8 of us. Now that there's another person there, who like you said is just different and more prone to whatever that disgusting actor wanted, we weren't prepared for it. And without preparation, we don't know how the group would react, and that's when the differences and arguments can come up. I frankly don't know how to say this nicely, but without you we might have stood a better chance in the long run to stick together as a group."

I knew it, I noticed what had been on his mind, so why did I still feel wronged? I could definitely understand his reasoning, and it wasn't hard to see he was still wary, but it still didnt feel right. Sure, at a time like just now it was different that what they had prepared for, but even so, there will always be situations in here you can't prepare for, and even if it hadn't been that long, I felt like I had done just about everything I could to be honest and open to them, to try to fit in with the group. Even after saving them all, one little incident and it was over? Making a huge deal about it wasn't going to help me either, which was frankly even more frustrating.

"Then what do you suggest we do?" I asked him, making him give me a perplexed look in return. "You want to survive and get the money as much as I do, so in order to do so we need to find a way to improve those chances don't we? I genuinely don't know what else I can do to make you trust me more, so if you know any way, then please tell me, because I don't want to be the reason everything is going to be messed up." After a painfully silent couple of seconds, I let out a sigh. "You know, forget it. I'll just do my best to follow your lead like before so I at least won't be in the way." I already turned back, starting to walk again. This wasn't going to work either way.

"Why don't we play open card?" he asked from behind me. "Just the two of us. I'll give away my reason for being here, and you give me yours. We don't have to tell anyone else, but it might at least help me understand you, because right now I truly don't. You know a lot of things others normally don't, yet keep to yourself if possible. You try your best to fit in and just follow along, yet will still argue when you know you're right. I just don't know what to expect of you, and frankly the unpredictability is making it even harder for me. As long as I know what to expect of you, I'll be able to lead you so that the others won't question or anything... what do you say?"

It would be the first time ever telling someone. The first time even trying to talk about it, when even writing it down already didn't work out, given the way I completely ripped my diary my mom had previously given me apart. And yet it felt like the only option. I wouldn't have to give it all away, just enough for him to know why I was so messed up. Given the way he talked about it, he probably hadn't told the others his reasoning either for joining, so it would at least be some sort of leverage... but could I really do it?

"Fine. I'll try, but you have to go first."